Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Guy Has Left...

Well, not quite in that way. He's gone on a two month visit to the US. Two whole months. Maybe more. I saw him off downstairs in the cab that's taking him to Mumbai airport right now.

It happened rather suddenly. He was told about a week ago that such an opportunity might come up, and we thought we'd have a couple of weeks to prepare. On Tuesday night, we learned that he was to leave this weekend. Between laundering and packing and planning and the usual office grind, we have rarely had a quiet moment to sit and talk - about anything other than work or planning for the trip. (Which, by the way, also explains the lack of posts here.) That wasn't altogether a bad thing, I guess. Anticipating the misery wouldn't elevate it any.

The last time he went to the US, over a year ago, he was there a month. And it was a slow, depressing, frustrating month. Back then, we worked in the same office, and were used to being available on IM, walking over to meet each other, having lunch and tea together, and leaving together at the end of the day. Now, with us being used to spend most of the day without each other, things should be easier. (That's one way of saying I have more of a life now than I did then.) Besides, we went and splurged on the Crossword sale last weekend, and it will be some time before those books run out. And I'm planning to join the gym. And I'm planning to spend more time with Friends of Children: in fact I'm going on a weekend trip with them next week. And my mom has promised to make a visit. So hopefully I won't spend all my time moping.

I didn't even cry when he left.

Two months seems like such a long time. The last time he went, the most difficult time was the 20 odd hours when he was in transit, because we couldn't communicate at all. I was so used to talking to him ever so often. This time, though, it's the thought of the two months that intimidates me. We have never been apart so long since we got together: even in the first couple of months of our relationship, when we lived in different cities, he visited me twice in as many months.

But in a way, I'm almost looking forward to it. Looking forward to being on my own again, to stop being such a sissy and recover my independence and strength. And I'm putting this down here so that I can't back off: so that if I spend the time the Guy's away like a pathetic loveworn loser - at least I will have to accept that I've failed.

8 comments:

Emma said...

The first time I went to the US, it was terrible. I missed him all the time. But subsequent trips (either when he went away or when I did) weren't so bad. I think you get used to it (though I don't like saying it); also having things to do and having a full time job helps. The worse time is those few hours in the evening - when you catch up with one another. I understand what you are going through; but 2 months will pass in a jiffy and you will get through fine. Take care...

Unmana said...

Dear Emma, thank you so much for understanding. I am hoping too, that it won't be as bad as last time.

Maitreyee said...

Absence makes hearts grow fonder dear....

Don't worry it wont be as bad as you think

"Looking forward to being on my own again, to stop being such a sissy and recover my independence and strength. And I'm putting this down here so that I can't back off:" More like my girl!!

Enjoy.. and mail me.. I will be back on 21st though :) then we could talk... rem the graduation days???

Unmana said...

Maitreyee: well, our hearts are fond enough already. Too fond maybe, given as we don't like spending more than a few hours apart!

Yeah, of course I remember those days. You haven't changed - you never call me!

Maitreyee said...

:D old habits die hard....

i will try.. no promises

Fictional Desi said...

i know the feeling.. it always takes me a few days to find it liberating, though. for the first few days it just feels like a great big hole.

simplypallu said...

Ok, totally tangential to your post, but I thought it should be mentioned when it is being discussed: I'm relieved... that I'm not the only one that M doesn't call. She's consistently unfair with her other (and definitely closer) friends as well :P
M, I'll catch hold of you in a few days, missy. Be warned.

Unmana said...

Fictional desi: I suspect it will progressively feel more like a great big hole (or rather, like I'm in one) as the days pass. I'm trying to push off that feeling as long as possible.

Pallu: Oh, she's always been like that. Since college. I've given up expecting any better (though it still annoys me sometimes).