Saturday, May 31, 2014


Have you ever felt so alone
Like an alien on a new planet
Alone in your room, with more than doors
blocking the rest of the world out?

Have you ever felt so empty of words
That your best friend in the world could appear
And you couldn't say hi.
Nor reach out a hand.
But raise your head for a moment
and put it down again?

Have you ever felt so numb
you'd hold a cigarette to your arm
just to feel the pain?
Have you ever felt
the world would never make sense again?

Sunday, May 25, 2014

A summer memory

When it’s hot, nothing seems romantic. I’m not interested in the woman in the pretty burqa lined in blue; I just wonder how hot she must be feeling.

Everything is dull, heavy, stifling, sweaty. I want to be away from other people and inside where there’s an AC.

And then, suddenly, there’s a cool breeze. At that moment, nothing else seems to matter. Nothing else exists, just the feel of the cool air on my hot skin.

When I was in college and lived in sultry Guwahati, and I got home from classes in the late afternoon, my mom would give me triangles of watermelon or long slices of cucumber dusted with salt. Sometimes accompanied by a glass of iced lemonade. I would sit on the cool floor under the fan, leaning against the bed, and let the cool slide down my throat and into my body.

Monday, May 19, 2014

We risked it all and lost it

We risked it all
and lost it.
We are living the life we wanted
so why does the loss weigh us down?
Why is having each other
and shelter and food
not enough?
We thought we had nothing to lose
but we did.
We had peace, and confidence in ourselves
friends and some money
and best of all, hope.
Why do we have no hope left
even though we have each other
and ourselves?
But let us cling together, my love
and when we are done weeping
and each has stilled the beating of the other's heart
as the sun rises and the city feels more like home
maybe some vestige of hope
lying hitherto undetected in our hearts
will rise to the surface.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Four Days

Four days.
Four days when we were at peace
And ourselves.
After years of stress and work and worry.
Four days to laugh and play and watch TV
and lie in each other's arms
and go out and do something fun.
To watch the flaming sun fade
into a rosy ball
and throw orange shimmering light
upon the waves
and stand and watch and hold each other
until it turned off.
It wasn't enough.
But yet
we had four days.

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

I Like Myself Better in Bombay

I tweeted this, and it's true. I feel like a different person here. I do things. I go out every weekday and most weekends (instead of staying in my flat for weeks at a time like I've done in Pune). I am more stressed out and busy, but I am happier. I just wish I had friends - and I miss house parties!

I've done so many new things in the last few months. An incomplete list:
  • The Guy and I went to see my colleague perform at the Blue Frog one night -- and she dedicated a song to us!
  • I went to a red light area all by myself.
  • I went to a movie by myself (well, it was at the CFSI building and not a regular theater, but still). (It was Banno's movie, you all. And it won the National Award for Best Children's Film! Go see it if you can -- it was amazing.)
  • I went to a concert all by myself (a string quartet and not a rock concert, but still).
  • I joined a library after around 20 years, and got my first book. (Of course it helps that they deliver and I don't have to drag my lazy ass anywhere.)
What fun things have you been doing lately? (Also, any of you in Bombay and want to meet up?)

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Finally updated my 'Other Writing' page. I'm sure I've missed some stuff that should be on there, but it's better than before. Phew.

Now if only someone could tell me how to include a table of contents with links on the top so the topics/sections are easier to get to.

Monday, May 05, 2014

This Weekend

There is so much to do outside
Plays and art and music
To take in
Lovely cobbled streets to walk on
The sea calling to us.

There is so much to do at home
Arrange my books
Put away the winter clothes
Write those blog posts
Take that online course.

But this weekend
All I want to do
Is sit in the sofa by the balcony
And read. And sit near you
And talk.