Thursday, August 31, 2006

By Invitation Only

I do not understand why the concept of a 'small, family wedding' is so difficult for people to understand. I have got unpleasant, even (usually?) rude responses to news about my impending marriage. The most vehement, perhaps, was from an old school friend (we have never been intimate, and we've been in and - mostly - out of touch since then) who claimed that I probably didn't remember his name, that there was no reason why I should invite him to my wedding (I agree with him on that) but he would come anyway! (Need I mention how furious I was at this? I did not trust myself to draft a civil reply, so the mail went unanswered.)

Another school 'friend' (for the record, she didn't bother to reply to any of the last few mails I sent her) asked if I wouldn't invite her to the wedding, and asked me to 'at least' let her know the date! (I wonder where she got the news from - and how come her informant was unaware of the date.)

I have told those whom I consider my friends what kind of a wedding it is going to be - a fuss-less, simple one, with a registration in the presence of family (which I consider to include our best friends). I did not even need to explain to them why I wanted a wedding like that - they know me well enough to understand. It might be the custom to have lots of guests at a wedding, but my wedding is a personal event for me, and I do not want it on display. The Guy and I both feel that the significance of a wedding lies in the event itself, in the commitment the couple make to each other, not in the magnificence of the decor, the richness of the food or the weight of the bride's jewellery! More than that, we feel that it is the presence of loved ones that will make this event truly wonderful - and so we wanted to be sure not to have anyone that we did not want, anything that would trivialize the occasion. And yes, it makes us feel good to think that we're not spending our parents' money.

I can understand people automatically assuming - without bothering to ask - that it will be a 'normal' traditional wedding. What I consider rude is when they do not bother to congratulate me, or ask who I'm marrying, but only flaunt their offended ego at not being invited. These are precisely the kind of people we do not want at our wedding. We want people who'll be happy for us and wish us well, not people who'll count the number of rupees we spent and smirk at our miserliness.

And remember, these are people who have never remembered me in all these years, who did not bother to get in touch with me when my dad died (I did not need you then, and I need you now?), who have never done the slightest thing for me yet feel entitled to a slice of my life.

This is MY wedding. And you so-called friends who don't care a hoot for me are not invited. Is that so hard to understand?

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My First Wedding Gift!

The Guy and I got our first wedding gift yesterday. It came to us all the way from the US, from a very dear friend. And it is adorable. A dining set for two, it seems meant to bring us closer. I could visualize cosy romantic dinners with candles and incense on the table (yes, she very thoughtfully provided incense sticks and stand). Homemade pasta would be perfect for the menu. (You guessed it - the focus will be romance, not the food.)

Now I actually feel like I'm getting married!

Thanks, Swati!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Growing up!

I will be 25 soon - a quarter century old! My friends remind me that I am growing old. I beg to differ - I am only growing older. I'm still a kid - I'm only grown up enough to be independent, not grown out of being pampered or throwing tantrums!

I am happy to be turning 25! Well, yeah, 25 seems old - ten years ago a woman of 25 would have seemed to me to have grown past all fun - but I don't feel old. I feel young, happy, content - in a way I have never been.

Ten years ago - even three years ago - I also longed to start earning, be independent, be in love with Mr. Right - and of course, all this would make me truly happy. Now I am earning (enough to not have to worry too much about money), am independent, am in love with the perfect (for me) guy, and am really happy! What more could I ask for?

I believe in myself as I never did before, I have faith not only in my abilities but also in my beliefs, my hopes... I have people to love me and whom I can love back without being afraid of getting betrayed... My friends now are people I know well and know what to expect from them - unlike many friends in the years past who betrayed my trust and affection. I have a life to look forward to, to plan and hope for. I have dreams to realize...

I have spent many of the last 25 years making mistakes, ignoring opportunities, shutting myself out from the light - but it is those mistakes that have made me stronger and wiser, and will keep me (I hope) from mistakes in the future. I was never as happy, as carefree, when I was a teenager. I am grown up now, and in control of my life - and it has not brought more worries, it has made me stronger in every way (emotionally, financially!) and brought people to my life who make me stronger, happier. Why should I then regret anything, even growing old(er)?

Monday, August 21, 2006


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- Elizabeth Barett Browning

Why Do I Love You? Let Me Count the Reasons…

Why do I love you? Let me count the reasons…
That were responsible for bringing us closer
And within the space of but a few seasons
Linked our lives inexorably together.
I liked you for the wit that arouses my laughter
And more, for the mind that illuminates my own;
For the intellect that is as sharp as a razor,
For the words that take me into a world all our own.

I love you for the gentleness you show towards everyone;
I love you for the honesty that stands as firm as my own:
From the depths of hell I saw your faith shining like a beacon,
For you had faith in me even when I had none of my own.
I love you for the joy, the hope I have since being with you, known;
I love you for loving me so… Is that not enough reason?

- Unmana

Friday, August 18, 2006


There's so much I think - so many varied thoughts that pop around in my head. The one thing that settles me is writing all that down - which is why this blog is such a blessing. (Not only for me, but also for the Guy, I guess - else I'd bug him with more thoughts than a busy guy can reasonably handle.)

These days for instance, things at work are a bit unsettled, so I'm trying to keep myself occupied and enthusiastic through other things. One is orkut - I have lost count of the number of old friends I met through the site. And the count just keeps increasing. Last night I picked up my old economics textbook (one I actually haven't read before), and didn't find it too boring to put down again immediately. So I've decided to take up reading Eco again, for my own edification and satisfaction. I had taken admission into MA by correspondence ages ago, then gave it up because I saw no chance of completing the course. But I'm not really looking for a formal degree - it's just that learning seems to give you a sense of purpose... There's so much I want to do in life - among my varied (often conflicting) aims are travelling, becoming a full-time writer, teaching, working with a non-profit... And yet none of these seem attractive enough for me to give up the steady pay and stability of a job...

But as I said earlier (in a different way) dreams are what keep us going... And I hope I'll do some, if not all, of the above some day...

Amen to that!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

On Forwards

I considered titling this "In Hate of Forwards". But it might be misleading. I don't hate all forwards. Some are witty, funny. But the majority are tasteless and worse, offensive. Also, I consider them an invasion of my privacy, especially if sent by someone I a) don't know, b) am not and would not normally be in touch with - I mean, you never mail me a "Hi, how are you?" but you feel yourself entitled to send me boring forwards?

But worse than all this, perhaps is all the wrong "information" they spread. You see it often, some forward soliciting for aid because someone is ill - often with ghastly photographs - and you send it on in good faith, to find later that it has been doing the round for ages. Then there was one some time ago about petrol/diesel prices and how the government is doing nothing about it. Anyone who has any knowledge of the economy would know that the government subsidises petroleum products heavily - if this had been a free economy, we'd have been paying through our noses for fuel. Do those people sending those forwards have any idea about the real price of LPG? Why don't they find out, before clicking on that 'forward' button?

Then there's one I got today, about Tommy Hilfiger supposedly having made 'racist' comments on Oprah Winfrey's show, and pleading for a boycott of his products. My first reaction was gratification - someone actually thinks I can afford designer labels! My first search on Google took me to an Urban Legends article refuting the whole thing. It seems Oprah and Tommy Hilfiger have never met. I am as anti-racist as anyone can get - but why not check your facts first?

Then there are those which warn of dire consequences if you do not forward them. I love deleting those. I sometimes wish I'd kept count of the number I've deleted.

I think I'll send out one of my own. "If you have ever sent on a forward without reading it, you will lose your job within 15 days. If you have ever sent a forward to a person who did not know you, you will remain single all your life - if you are attached, your partner will soon leave you. If you have ever forwarded any 'information' without verifying it, all your hair will fall out within a week."

I wonder how many times I would get that one back!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Here I am!

I know, I've neglected my blog shamefully in recent times. In my defense - I haven't been well for a couple of weeks now. I would never willingly neglect my blog.

I finally dragged mom and the Guy down to watch Omkara yesterday. And then wished I hadn't. I mean, we spent around 400 bucks on the tickets (not to speak of auto-fare), and I think so carefully before buying a top priced at 400! As we walked out of the movie, I solemnly resolved not to watch another movie a)for six months, b)until I can watch it without thinking about the ticket price, whichever is earlier.

I know, I know. You watched Omkara, probably loved it. Everyone seems to have - even critics are raving about it. And I have been waiting for the damn movie for almost a year, since it was first announced that Vishal Bharadwaj was making a version of Othello. That's why I feel let down.

I had watched Makdee and loved it. Maqbool was mind-blowing. I just sat there, experiencing it all, trying not to miss all the nuances, and getting completely bowled away by the subtle power of it all. I remember feeling, "This is art. Shakespeare would have liked it."

Well, I didn't expect quite as much from Omkara. For one, it had too many stars and not enough actors. The presence of Kareena Kapoor in itself was enough to tone down my expectations. And much as I like Ajay Devgan, he is just too much of a star - unlike Irrfan, who comes across as earthy and human (albeit sexy).