Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Depression

Funny thing about depression -- it's difficult to recognize it until you are out of it. (Or rather, until I'm out of it. It goes without saying that everything I describe here is about how I felt, and others may have very different experiences.)

I have been depressed for the last couple of years. Shutting down my startup and letting go of the dreams. Moving to Bombay -- I love Bombay, but this meant leaving the flat we'd lived in for five years, which had been home to me unlike any other place I'd ever lived in. It meant leaving behind most of the few friends I had, and moving to a place where I had none, and as an introvert, making new friends, especially new friends outside of work, is a difficult, terrifying thing. And since both the Guy and I were in grief, mourning what we had lost, we couldn't lean on each other for help.

Several times in the last few years, I thought, oh I'm not depressed anymore. But I still didn't feel quite normal, quite happy, for extended periods. It wasn't until last week that I finally felt, for the first time in weeks, genuinely optimistic.
And I know I'll still have difficult days, and the sinking feeling in my stomach will return, but I'm hoping it will be only occasional, and not something I have to live with all the time.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Fun Reads

Hello, people. Sharing a few tweets with interesting stuff I've read recently. If you're having a slow day at work, you can catch up ;)

This was beautiful and speaks right to my love yet disapproval of friends.

WHAT

Best joke ever. Wait, is that a joke?

Till a few years ago, I thought casteism had all but died. I'm ashamed of my privilege.

I can never get tired of reading about Harry Potter, though I begin to think I'll have to write my own thing on how awful Ron is.


I don't have ADHD, but...

On the whole Amazon employee abuse controversy:

And because I can't let you go feeling happier, read something sad (and that made me feel like that might have been me if I hadn't ditched my abuser in time):

Monday, August 24, 2015

I'm Alive!

Hello, people. I've missed you.

So here's a few things that happened in the last couple of months:

  • I lost my phone and find myself still, after more than a month, a bit lost without it. I loved that phone! (It was the original Moto G, for those who are interested.) I'm using the Guy's old phone now and it's mostly okay. The Guy's been offering to buy me another and I've been resisting (I'm due for a birthday present next month!) but I'm sure I'll cave in in a couple of months. 
  • Which is why I've been a bit cut off from friends too. Message me on Facebook or comment here if you've tried getting in touch with me, will you?
  • On the other hand, I started music classes, which is amazing. It is in fact all the things! I had forgotten how much I enjoy music. I'm learning to play the keyboard, and the school is awesome and my teacher is really sweet and I'm even making friends in class, which makes me feel young again. 
  • And then I got the flu. I was ill for nearly two weeks, and had a bit of a swine flu scare -- one terrible weekend while I waited for my test results. I'm well again now. 
  • One indirect result of losing my phone is I can't use my credit card online (because it would send the OTP to the old number) and so the Guy and I are a bit cash strapped this month. (Some of our wild shopping when we visited his parents may have something to do with it too.)
  • Oh yeah, we visited the Guy's parents in Gujarat. I hadn't been for years, partly because my relationship with my in-laws can get a little tense sometimes, but more because the Guy or I seemed to be unwell every time we planned a trip there and we (or I) had to cancel, and also because with my food issues (did I tell you guys I can't have gluten or dairy? Try finding Gujarati food without either!) I was afraid it would be difficult. But I'm so glad I went. My mom-in-law was amazingly kind, carefully cooking at least one rice dish separately for me and making sure most of the regular food didn't have anything I couldn't eat. And we went shopping together and the sister-in-laws took us to dinner at a palace and we all had a lovely time.
How have you been?

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Why I Love Mumbai's Taxis

So there was a taxi strike last Monday -- taxis were protesting the presence of Uber and other such 'aggregators'. I was surprised at the vitriol I saw on Twitter (hah), and threw in some tweets of my own, on why I'm firmly on the side of the taxis. 

Monday, June 15, 2015

How to tell you are in a PD James novel

Part 2 of this. 

You are a priest or a man in authority over children, and you have been convicted for abusing children. Everyone in the novel sympathizes with you (except, of course, the cold unfeeling person whom everyone dislikes).

You are not racist (so you think, and the author believes you) but you think anti-racism goes too far.  You are willing to stand up against political correctness, and everyone in the novel admires your bravery.

You are a woman who is good at her job. You are, of course, in love with your boss — or you are not, but want to marry him anyway.

Sunday, June 07, 2015

How to tell when you are in an Alexander McCall Smith novel


  1. Nothing very much happens, and it happens very slowly.
  2. You have long discussions (with yourself or with others) about intricate ethical dilemmas. You resolve the ones about simple matters, like colonialism and racism, fairly quickly and to your satisfaction. But it is much more difficult to decide on matters like whether you should spy on your boyfriend to make sure he’s not cheating on you, even though you have no reason to believe that he is.
  3. You are the most ethical person you know. Everyone is always telling you how ethical you are — after all, you spy on your boyfriend and sometimes complete strangers, all for their own good.
  4. If you don’t live in Scotland, you live in Botswana. Nothing very much happens here either.
  5. You are rich, but not one of the vulgar rich. You live comfortably but not luxuriously (by your standards) and you donate generously to charity and to people around you. You do not expect your generous “gifts” to be met with anything but grateful acceptance, even if they have to change their plans to accommodate them. 
  6. Everyone is lovely and polite, except for upwardly mobile, pushy women and men. They are the worst. (And pushy mothers are the absolute worst.)
  7. You are very interested in classical music, poetry, literature, and art, and of course (see #5), you have the money and time to indulge your tastes. 
  8. You are an intellectual person and not shallow at all — but the biggest reason you like your boyfriend is because he is so pretty.
  9. You are a very open-minded person. You are just a little concerned about other people’s promiscuous ways and frivolous pastimes. You are also perfectly okay with lower class people, you’re just surprised when someone in your circle wants to marry one.
  10. Even though your mother died when you were a child and you live in the twenty-first century, you are surprised at the idea that she may have had sex, and maybe even with someone other than your father.
  11. Everything always ends well. Anything unpleasant only happens to other people.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

So what happened is...

Hello, people. Did anyone miss me?

I was busy with work and travel and I sprained my ankle and I couldn't keep up the daily posts, so thought I'd take a total break from posting for a while. I'm back now, but won't be back to a daily schedule.

But I wrote my story of spraining my ankle to a friend and she liked what I wrote so I thought you might like it too.

So, I sprained my ankle while I was in Delhi. It's a funny story -- my colleague She and I were rushing from a lunch meeting to an agency's office, where I was going to train them. We were late and had to park on the opposite side of the street, so She had this bright idea of climbing over the divider (you can guess how this ends). It's a massive divider too, with iron railings on both sides and big plants -- trees, even, planted in the middle. I say no at first but she's already climbing over, so I'm like, what the hell? I climb over the railing and take a step right into the depression where a big plant is. And I twist my ankle.


Saturday, April 11, 2015

Day 101 of Feminist Joys: Reading Havisham

Havisham is the second book by a man that I've read finished recently (the first, of course, was Funny Girl). It is a retelling -- a prequel -- of Great Expectations, focusing on (of course) Miss Havisham. Ronald Frame takes a character that was always somewhat of a caricature and gives her a backstory. He gives her a lonely childhood, and an adult life that's one disappointment after another, making her the bitter old woman in Dickens' novel. Yet she's never as bitter as Dickens portrayed her -- if she is abusive to Estella, keeping her isolated and teaching her to take revenge on men -- it's because the tragedy of her life has deranged her. She is still capable of compassion, even for her best friend who betrayed her, and of love for Estella.

But I found Havisham most satisfying when I wasn't reading it like a prequel to Great Expectations -- as a story of a young woman who has a difficult childhood and grows up to manage her father's alcohol business.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Day 100 of Feminist Joys: Being Undeterred

I'm quoted in this book--Undeterred, by Rania Anderson--on my experience on starting and failing at a business.



The book and Rania's website, the Way Women Work,  are filled with stories of women entrepreneurs and professionals, and explores how they find success.