Thursday, August 31, 2006

By Invitation Only

I do not understand why the concept of a 'small, family wedding' is so difficult for people to understand. I have got unpleasant, even (usually?) rude responses to news about my impending marriage. The most vehement, perhaps, was from an old school friend (we have never been intimate, and we've been in and - mostly - out of touch since then) who claimed that I probably didn't remember his name, that there was no reason why I should invite him to my wedding (I agree with him on that) but he would come anyway! (Need I mention how furious I was at this? I did not trust myself to draft a civil reply, so the mail went unanswered.)

Another school 'friend' (for the record, she didn't bother to reply to any of the last few mails I sent her) asked if I wouldn't invite her to the wedding, and asked me to 'at least' let her know the date! (I wonder where she got the news from - and how come her informant was unaware of the date.)

I have told those whom I consider my friends what kind of a wedding it is going to be - a fuss-less, simple one, with a registration in the presence of family (which I consider to include our best friends). I did not even need to explain to them why I wanted a wedding like that - they know me well enough to understand. It might be the custom to have lots of guests at a wedding, but my wedding is a personal event for me, and I do not want it on display. The Guy and I both feel that the significance of a wedding lies in the event itself, in the commitment the couple make to each other, not in the magnificence of the decor, the richness of the food or the weight of the bride's jewellery! More than that, we feel that it is the presence of loved ones that will make this event truly wonderful - and so we wanted to be sure not to have anyone that we did not want, anything that would trivialize the occasion. And yes, it makes us feel good to think that we're not spending our parents' money.

I can understand people automatically assuming - without bothering to ask - that it will be a 'normal' traditional wedding. What I consider rude is when they do not bother to congratulate me, or ask who I'm marrying, but only flaunt their offended ego at not being invited. These are precisely the kind of people we do not want at our wedding. We want people who'll be happy for us and wish us well, not people who'll count the number of rupees we spent and smirk at our miserliness.

And remember, these are people who have never remembered me in all these years, who did not bother to get in touch with me when my dad died (I did not need you then, and I need you now?), who have never done the slightest thing for me yet feel entitled to a slice of my life.

This is MY wedding. And you so-called friends who don't care a hoot for me are not invited. Is that so hard to understand?


anumita said...

Hey, first congrats! And dont you worry about all those who threaten to land up at your wedding. They will not turn up without an invitation.
On second thoughts, to make sure you could maybe send them your blog url :)

Unmana said...

I'm sure they wouldn't turn up even if I did invite them - but they make me mad when they pretend I've done them an injustice by not inviting them!

And oh, thanks a lot! :-)

Kuan Gung said...

It not what they say that's's what you of luck

Pallavi Sharma said...

I so understand this. My idea of a perfect marraige is just the same. But our parents are not of the same view. Though my mother tries to support me as much as she can, we'll need to do a minimal set of rituals. I'm not sure feelings will be involved at the time. Well, I'm looking forward to the post-marraige days. When feelings will drive our days rather than customs and rituals.

Unmana said...

Kuan Gung - Thanks for the wish, and for visiting.

Simplypallu - Yes, the support of family is important. We have been lucky in this regard, our families have understood and respected our wish for a quiet wedding. It helped that neither of us are eldest children, and our parents have grown weary of the rituals and customs.
All the best for your married life!

Unmana said...

Nothing much! ;) I just needed to let off some steam.

Unmana said...

This is NOT for genuine friends - people who'd make an effort to turn up to meet me and the Guy, to see us get married; people who don't need an 'invitation'. This is for people who have never been around but still demand an invitation, who don't care whether and whom I marry - and wouldn't bother to come anyway.