Saturday, March 27, 2010

Rude Responses to Rude Comments OR, I wish I had the presence of mind to say that at the right time

A friend and I were discussing rude comments and how to respond to them. Here are a few ideas.

Rude Person: You should try these breast-enhancing oils. (Actual comment to my friend from her masseur)

Option 1: Actually, I don't need breasts. I'm a man.

Option 2: Sure! And I know of some brain-enhancing pills you could try.

RP: You don't look like you're from Assam . (Happens to me all the time)

Option 1 (if you know where RP is from): Well, I'm only glad I don't look like I'm from [insert RP's home state].

Option 2 (to be applied with a sweet smile): Yeah, I don't look like a real freak from the outside, do I?

Variation on the above: You look like you're from [insert random region, often the RP's homeplace].

Option 1 (to be applied with a look of horror): What? Oh no!

Option 2: Oh dear, there must have been a glitch in the software!

Warning: both of these work better if the RP names the region he's from.

RP: You should have babies soon. (Or some variation of the same)

Option 1 (said absent-mindedly): Thanks, but I prefer eggs for breakfast. (Warning: this might not work if the RP words her comment differently.)

Option 2 (insert look of surprise): You know what, you’re right, I should! In fact, I’m going to go get started right now! Now, where’s the Guy…?

What rude comments have you got lately? Put them down and we’ll think of ways to respond, shall we?


starry eyed said...

Well, we're headed to Mangalore and I'm anticipating some snarky comments on my daughter's skin colour and what a pity it's not as fair as mine and some more sniggery comments about my thinning hair.

I'm trying to figure out the perfect retort, but like you pointed out, sometimes they word it differently, and then that comeback you had ready, doesn't reply fittingly enough!!

Oh and I love the region retorts...why did I never think of that?!

Unmana said...

starry eyed: Here are a couple of suggestions.

Your thinning hair: "Yeah, I'm really planning to shave it off, once I decide on the tattoo I want on my scalp."

As for your daughter's skin colour, I suppose you can politely repeat that she has lovely skin and a healthy complexion. To be snarky, I suppose you could always say, "Don't worry, I asked my dermatologist and she assured me Div won't grow up to look like you!"

Anonymous said...

RP: "Your daughter looks like a foreigner...Is your husband Indian?

Me: Yes

RP: Are you sure?

Me: "Well now that you mention it, I may be wrong...You see, she was conceived in the US and since my husband used to work long hours, I needed some diversion...

Pravesh Biyani said...

How about ignoring them ? Thats the best reply I think..

Anonymous said...

I generally start a serious discussion on the remark. Like a neighbour said she saw my daughter taking a walk in the society - with a boy. At first I didn't realise, "Must be A, he visited yesterday..."
She insisted it was someone she had never seen before. I realised I was being 'informed' of her 'misconduct' by 'a well meaning acquaintance' - so I simply asked her if she thought it was bad for girls to go out with boys or have boy friends - I told her I was very cool with my daughter having a boy friend, though I would like to get to know and meet the guy, I would have no hassles if she walked with him inside the society - what place could be safer than one's own neighbourhood? (Daughter had no boyfriend then.)

She said she had no problem but her husband didn't approve... but that's another story :|

Pallavi Sharma said...

Sometimes just a "Erm, who are you, again?"
It sounds the best in Marathi, said with an attitude: "Kon tumhi?!"

Unmana said...

ramblingsbybones: This has to be the most hilarious rude comment ever. At least you get a laugh out of it.

How about, "Actually, I'm not. Nor is he. In fact, he keeps asking me about it"?

IHM: Ah, you have the patience of a saint, as I can see from your blog. You give the most reasoned, polite replies to prejudiced, stupid people. I can never hope to reach your level of patience.

simplypallu: Ooh, I love that! But what if they took it literally and started explaining where they were born and what their mother chewed s they were napping in the afternoons?

Pallavi Sharma said...

Then you can just turn your nose up, turn around, and walk away while they're still speaking.
Or say that you should remind young mothers not to chew what their mothers did :)

Perakath said...

Masseur, or masseuse?

Anonymous said...

Rude comments??
I attract them like flies :(
Sample these :-
1) "Is he really your husband?? He looks SO good!!"
2) "You have twins? Great, you should have one more".
3) This happened when I was young. One of dad's subordinate had come visiting with his wife. My sister had gone ahead to meet them (she is very fair and has green eyes). The lady exclaimed at my sister's prettiness and gave her a big smile. When I entered the room and Dad introduced me as his last daughter, the lady gave me a shocked look and added consolingly (to me) "Hum kaale hain to kya hua, dilwale hain".
Thanks Lady.
4)On seeing my daughter,"OHH She looks so CHINKY! Is there anyone from your side who looks like this?" (often commented by the BF's side of relatives).
5) First time visitor on seeing the twins, "good thing you had twins. Good DILs save their inlaws the expense of deliveries".

Help me!! I'm simply too stunned to even think of a reply!!

Sujeet Pillai said...

Oh the worst is if you're South Indian! A lot of these RP's believe all us SI's talk like those North Indians (Everything north of Karnataka) who play fake South Indians in the movies. Don't even know whether Chennai is a state or a city! Good-for-Nothing!

Wanted to try my hand at all of them. Of course most of this is done in jest. Please do not take offence. So here's a compendium:

Thinning hair: Actually it's a strategy to get rid of dandruff like the kind you have! You should try it

Husband Indian: Actually I married Jaadu after he did Koi Mil Gaya

Daughter with strange boy: Phew! Atleast it was with a boy! You never know these days. How's your daughter doing with her girlfriends!

Is he really your husband?: Yeah but I had to kidnap him to marry him.

OHH She looks so CHINKY: Yeah she ate too much chinese food when she was a kid!

Below is something I wouldn't say in real life unless I was never going to meet the person ever again
Good DILs save their inlaws the expense of deliveries: Obv. your mom wasn't one!

Unmana said...

simplypallu: Hah, I should carry you around with me. Just to see you answer like that!

Perakath: Masseuse, of course! Sorry. Masseur would have been even creepier.

momofrs: 1) "No, I swapped with my neighbour this evening."

2)"Oh, I was actually planning on having a few puppies next. Would you like one?"

3)"Haanji aunty, aap toh dilwale ho!"

4)"Oh no, her father is Chinese."

5) I really can't do justice to this one. Did you not ask them to leave immediately?

Unmana said...

Sujeet Pillai: You get the best responses award on this post! You did justice to momofrs fifth 'rude comment' that I didn't even touch!

And I refuse to sympathise with you over people not knowing that Chennai is a city. On being asked where I was from and saying Guwahati, I once got "Oh! I've heard so much about it... Where is it?" And only some days ago, I was asked what 'Assamese' was.

Sujeet Pillai said...

What you should get your city is an IPL team. Then they'll never forget!!

Pravesh Biyani said...

Unmana chose to ignore my response. :)

It is an interesting blog really, where I see people matching others rudeness with rudeness and being brave and proud about it.

As you said, why cant people be more loving and patient with people. There is no cure for stupidity, rudeness, selfishness but patience and love.

I hope my comment is rude enough for you to answer :)

Chicu said...

I had been brought up not to 'answer back to my elders'. but once in a plane, the sleazy chap began giving me some weightloss advice..I replied with 'aap bade badtameez hain.' and you know what? not a peep for the rest of the flight! So Pravesh, ignoring stuff is soooo not worth it!

Anonymous said...


You give me hope.
LOL at all your comments :D
Specially the last one !!
I do wish I could say these upfront!!
I just may :D!

Pravesh Biyani said...


I never said you ignore it even you get frustrated and angry inside. I think the best solution is to understand the ignorance and foolishness of the person concerned. (Like you ignore a 1 yr old kid, even if he enjoys hitting you).
When you reply, you play the same game he/she wants you to play. As a result, you suffer from his/her foolishness..
Why suffer somebody else's stupidity? Isnt it?

Unmana said...

Pravesh Biyani: That is exactly the point. Why suffer anyone else's stupidity?

Ignore it if that will make them go away. Talk back if that's what feels right. No one asked you to use any of the comebacks suggested here. I don't see why the rest of us shouldn't use them if we want to, though.

Pravesh Biyani said...

I am not saying you have to do as I say.. i just wished to express myself and tell what others might be not understanding according to me...

the mad momma said...

sigh. staircase wit. i am always hopping mad because by the time I get home I've got 10 perfect answers. all too late.

btw starry - if anyone comments on your thinning hair, send them to see mine.

the mad momma said...

@ momofrs - I get the chinky comment all the time too. i am at a total loss because
1) chinky is rude anyway.
2) so what if i do? whats your damn point?!

the mad momma said...

ooh - i have a good one.
a friend who is sick of people asking her why she isnt getting pregnant turned around and said

Aunty - we're probably not doing it right - aap sikha do.
how do you like that? :D

Unmana said...

the mad momma: LOL at staircase wit. That puts it perfectly.

And I LOVE that last comment. You have smart friends!

~G said...

Unmana, I LOVE this post so much, it's like those witty email forwards you get. The comments sections just adds to the fun.

Pallu, "kon tumhi" it is! And if it is somebody in closer relation, then kya kare? I need inputs you know.
The latest I have heard is "Love marriage huh? Good! You got a husband fairer than you"

"What a pity your daughter didn't"

Do you think that will work?


Unknown said...

What can I answer when people tell me I look much older than my real age?

Unknown said...

What should I respond when people tell me I look older than my actual age??

Unmana said...

Alba: "You look much less stupid than you are"?

Okay, if you want to be polite, "That's because I'm so smart!"