A friend and I were discussing rude comments and how to respond to them. Here are a few ideas.
Rude Person: You should try these breast-enhancing oils. (Actual comment to my friend from her masseur)
Option 1: Actually, I don't need breasts. I'm a man.
Option 2: Sure! And I know of some brain-enhancing pills you could try.
RP: You don't look like you're from Assam
Option 1 (if you know where RP is from): Well, I'm only glad I don't look like I'm from [insert RP's home state]
Option 2 (to be applied with a sweet smile): Yeah, I don't look like a real freak from the outside, do I?
Variation on the above: You look like you're from [insert random region, often the RP's homeplace]
Option 1 (to be applied with a look of horror): What? Oh no!
Option 2: Oh dear, there must have been a glitch in the software!
Warning: both of these work better if the RP names the region he's from.
RP: You should have babies soon. (Or some variation of the same)
Option 1 (said absent-mindedly): Thanks, but I prefer eggs for breakfast. (Warning: this might not work if the RP words her comment differently.)
Option 2 (insert look of surprise): You know what, you’re right, I should! In fact, I’m going to go get started right now! Now, where’s the Guy…?
What rude comments have you got lately? Put them down and we’ll think of ways to respond, shall we?