Monday, September 15, 2008


Another weekend gone. I'm counting in weekends, till the Guy is back. Because it's on weekends that I miss him most.

It's been easier than I'd feared. The weekdays haven't been so bad. In a way, I'm even enjoying it, the solitude that I had not had for so long. I have been contemplating instead of voicing my thoughts, something that used to be such a large part of my life, but being with the Guy seems almost the same as being alone. Almost, but not quite. Better, in most ways. Yet I needed the reminder of how it feels to be alone.

Sometimes I feel almost like a college kid whose parents are out of town. I read till early in the morning, have midnight feasts, play music loud. Not that I can't do any of this when the Guy is here, but in our tiny flat, you can't really play music and not disturb the other person, or leave the light on in the bedroom while you read... and you don't always have the taste for the same kind of music.

I even sat and watched Socha Na Tha again.

I find it amusing that people react with sympathy when I say I'm alone at home. The assumption seems to be that my mom or an in-law would come over. In all fairness, my mom was planning to come over, but she has a child - her nephew - to look after, and it was inconvenient to arrange alternatives, so we agreed she'd come later, when the Guy is here. We haven't seen each other in over a year, my mom and I. Yet I don't want her to come because she feels I need her, but to come when she wants to.

How can anyone imagine that the void the Guy left could be filled, even partly, by someone else? The only person who can conceivably come close to filling that void is - me. Anyone else in the house would probably make me miserable. I've always wanted my personal space, preferred - on the whole, though definitely not always - quiet and solitude to noise.

Another weekend gone, and I am not unhappy. Yet life seems slightly surreal, incomplete.

Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi... Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin, zindagi to nahi...


Indian Home Maker said...

LOL This is so relevant to me!!! I also find sympathy and concern flowing my way when I am alone, and I even laugh and say, it's nice to be by myself for some time :) People think I am 'being brave'!
But I enjoy being able to leave the lap top on the bed (on his side), I stay up till late without hearing cheering and commentary of a cricket/football/whatever, I watch all the news channels & CNBCTV18...I spend much more time with the kids, blog more, wash all curtains, go through all unread books & magazines, change the setting of furniture at home, get in touch with friends etc...
I think I too love some personal space.

Unmana said...

Yeah, I've been doing a lot of different things too. And I realise I'm just too lazy when the Guy is around!

mindspace said...

Hey Hi,
wish u a very happy new year.
however loving the guy be and in spite of the fact that no parents or friends can ever make up for his absence, we do love the space n time we ocassionaly get(when they are physically not around).. I could completely relate to what you n IHM have to say.

All thanks to this age of internet and mobile phones and camera.. without them, i don't think i could hv been so relaxed as we complete today, two full months of being in diff countries..

Unmana said...

Mindspace: A very happy new year to you too. Indeed, I don't think I would have let the Guy go away for so long, if it wasn't for the connecting power of the internet, and most especially, Google Talk.