Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Guy Has Moved Away

Well, it's been three weeks. But he has visited twice in that time - he was here two of the three weekends that came - so it didn't feel like he was away much at all.

But now he has gone again. And I can't con myself any more into believing that this is temporary, that he's going to come back.

The Guy has moved to Hyderabad. Moved for a job opportunity that was too good to pass up. And I stay on here, for a job that's too good to let go. We made, again, what seemed like the most rational decision. And we don't regret it. So far, it's going better than expected. I am missing him less than I had expected, and I am definitely not miserable.

Yet it seems just a little pointless to come home each day to an empty house, to hear the Guy and talk to him but not be able to see or touch him. To sleep carefully on my side of the bed even though the other side is empty. To sit alone on the couch meant for two. To get dressed in the morning without asking for his opinion on what I should wear or how I look.

It's not sad, not depressing, definitely not unbearable. Just a little empty, just a little meaningless.

20 comments:

simplypallu said...

I could so do with some alone time right now. But with my little pooches at home, it's a distant dream. If it was not for them, I'd happily go absconding for a while.

Buls said...

My guy and I have been away since the wedding... even before that. I don't know how you could have made the "rational decision". Whats the point of the job if you cannot stay with the one you love the most.
I hope one of you compromises.

batulm said...

Meaningless is right. I'd agree with Buls.

Unmana said...

simplypallu: Yes, I do enjoy the 'alone time'. But I'm afraid it's going to pall on me very soon!

Buls: There are so many ways to answer your comment, but let me just say I hope that you find happiness soon.

batulm: Yet there is meaning, isn't it, in work you love? In learning to live alone, again - something that you thought you had forgotten? For various reasons, this is something we need to do, right now.

chicu said...

hey Unmana, big hugs.
lonely, yes. meaningless, no.
As for the bed, after a while we pile up books and clocks and lip balm and other detritus and the bed doesn't look so empty any more. and we wear all the things the chaps hate..and cook all of our secret pleasures. but just as we think we are doing well, one morning we forget, or wake from dreaming of being together, and the house seems empty again.
but this way, we put more energy into communicating, and learn to trust, and look forward to being together. And that is always good

simplypallu said...

Me likes Chicu's comment.

dipali said...

chicu's comment is poetic!
I've spent long stretches of time on my own, and it can be wonderful or terrible on any given day!
So can being with the guy, so I guess it all evens out:)
Be happy, and do what works best for both of you.

Synchronicity Diva said...

I love this post. It's so emotional! Yes, without some people life is meaningless, empty...

Unmana said...

Thank you all. I have been missing the Guy more than usual this week, and those two comments near the beginning didn't help. I know what we are doing is right, yet...

Thank you. You made me feel better. (And if you don't read chicu's blog yet, check it out. Most posts are as beautiful as her comment here.)

chicu: Hugs back to you. Lovely, lovely comment.

I couldn't have done this even a year ago. But the Guy and I have grown so much, we have learned to give each other space, to trust each other even more. It was easy to make this decision: it was obvious. Living it won't be as easy, but I hope we'll cope.

dipali: Yes, exactly what we're trying to do. We both recognize how important our work is to us: when that goes badly, the relationship suffers too. Since I started this job, I've been much less irritable and we've barely fought, in spite of all the big scary changes.

simplypallu said...

For some reason I can't picture you folks fighting. Thanks for bursting another of my imaginary bubbles.

simplypallu said...

And hey, I totally adore you. You're living the life I imagined I would. Minus the sappy romanticism, I guess.

batulm said...

Good for you. More happiness and courage to you.

Unmana said...

Pallu: How could anyone not fight? Besides, I have a bad temper. :)

Banno: Thank you.

momofrs said...

Chicu's comment is amazing!!
EXACTLY what I'd have done under the circumstances.
How I wish I could have the 'me' time that you have right now :)
Enjoy it while it lasts :D

dipali said...

Can't get to Chicu's blog- please send the link.

Unmana said...

momofrs: Thank you. I'm enjoying the peace, and my friends LC and Blade are good company for when I need some. So it's not been bad!

dipali: Here's the link. http://uttarakhandandi.blogspot.com/

Emma said...

I am not sure if this helps.. but I have been at this for over an year now. I had to move to Bangalore because of job while hubby is still in Hyderabad. I agree it is difficult to come back to an empty house, but the "alone time" is actually good. I know it has made a difference to my life.

If you do move to Hyd, please let me know. We could meet up.

Unmana said...

Emma: Thank you. We've been trying to focus on the positives, and enjoy this too.

I'm not moving anytime soon, but I should be visiting. Email me your number, and maybe we can meet up sometime.

Starry-eyed nut said...

Its a tough decision, but sometimes we have to take them, am sure when you look back at it years from now you will realise what a great decision it was! Take care

unsungpsalm said...

Then move to Hyderabad already, if you can't enjoy singledom :-)