Unmana's Words

Charities in India

2012-01-29T11:50:00.003+05:30

Remember this post? I thought I'd put together a list of non-profits from comments there, as well as others I've discovered. These aren't necessarily recommendations, so do your research before donating.

Food
Since I'd asked for a way to deal with hunger, here are non-profits that help by providing food to those who need it.

Akshaya in Madurai
Samarthan's Vidyaprasad Mid-day Meal Program (A reader works for the organization)

Mid-Week Reads: Relationships, Social Media and Sarcasm

2012-01-25T13:37:00.000+05:30

Why you should date a social media geek.

And for those of you who aren't on Twitter, this is why I use it.

If you've ever wondered, here's what a successful open marriage looks like. My question: where do you find the time? Balancing work and chores and relationship-time and alone-time and catching-up-with-friends-and-family seems so difficult to me, and I have only the Guy, and no children. How do you manage multiple kids and multiple romantic relationships on top of that?

I loved reading this article about female characters in recent fantasy fiction: the Hunger Games (which I loved, by the way), Twilight and (of course) Harry Potter.

It's a good time for sarcasm. Read "We Are the One Percent" and "The Return of the Petite Prick: Could small cocks make a comeback?"

This made even a child-sceptic like me go all mushy.

In Praise of Online Communication

2012-01-24T12:54:00.000+05:30

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows anything about me that I like online communication. I have been a personal blogger for nearly six years, and I work in online marketing. And I'm an introvert who finds it easier to write than to speak.

Personal biases aside, I can't understand why people don't embrace the power of online communication, and especially email (which, closely followed by instant messaging, remains my favorite means of communication, though I realize that dates me). Especially for business.

If I am your friend, I'd love to get a phone call from you and chat about nothing in particular. I might be busy and ask to call you back (which I usually do), I might be surprised at hearing from you out of the blue, but I will always be glad that you thought of me.

Mid-Week Reads: the Art Edition

2012-01-18T17:52:00.000+05:30

Here's a complete transcript of Dr. Martin Luther King's I Have A Dream speech. In case you haven't read it before: and even if you have, it's a good reminder.

Check out these beautiful winter-themed Pissarro paintings.

An argument for Rushdie attending the Jaipur Literary Fest.

Here's a politically incorrect career guide for the film industry.

Egregious typos on the home page aside ("Haritage"? Really, Kala Ghoda?), any of you going to the Kala Ghoda festival this year? I might make it.

Mid-Week Reads: Equality in the Home

2012-01-12T10:01:00.000+05:30

"We've made more progress in the workforce in the last 30 years than in the home."
"If we would get to a more even division of labor in the home, more women would have it all."
"We don't make it easy for men to choose to do more in the home."
"Facebook has equal maternity and paternity leave."
"We need to give men choices. We need to make it not just okay, but something men can be proud of, when they're the one who choose to support women's careers."
"The problem is we demand and expect professional success from men, but for women it's optional and potentially threatening."
"I have an awesome husband. We are at 50-50."
"As a family, we prioritized both of our careers, not just his."
"And that is something that very few women have and it makes all the difference. I tell young women, the most important career decision you'll ever make is who your life-partner is."

Mid-Week Reads: Uninvested in Being Beautiful

2011-12-28T15:32:00.000+05:30

Since most blogs and websites seem to have slowed down for the holidays, I just have two links for you this week. But they are worth the read.

I used the title of the post in my post title: this writer explains beautifully why no one should have to be beautiful. If you feel beautiful, good for you. If not, no problem. It should make no difference to your worth as a person.

This article in the New Yorker asks why people love Stieg Larsson's novels. For my part, I thought they were vastly overrated and not nearly as feminist as they're made out to be. But hey, I won't judge you if you like them: they're hardly Dan Brown.

And since, judging by the lack of comments, y'all are on vacation or busy partying, I'm going to stay off till next week too. Have a great New Year weekend, whether you party like a college student (or so I hear: I was an unattractively good kid) or go to bed at 9.

6 Funny Résumés—Make Sure Yours Isn’t One

2011-12-26T14:45:00.000+05:30

Republished, with edits, from another blog

I have shared some serious advice on creating a resume that will get you hired. But what about resumes that are so awful they’re funny? Can any amount of advice save them?Of course! Most of the bad resumes I have seen fall into one of these types. If you have one of these, mend your ways immediately.

The Epic

I understand you are excited about your accomplishments, but recruiters are usually busy people (actually, it’s wise to assume everyone is—no one reads resumes for pleasure, whatever you may have heard). Of course, if you have fourteen years of relevant experience, your resume might be correspondingly long (but not fourteen pages: three would be quite enough and more than most recruiters would read through). I’ve seen resumes from youngsters fresh out of school that run into over three pages. Actually, most fresh graduates seem to think the longer the better, and they couldn’t be more wrong. Leave the intricate details of that mid-term project for the interview, and only write a two-line summary in your resume.

Mid-Week Reads: 'Tis the Season to be Snarky

2011-12-22T11:31:00.002+05:30

Gender Stuff

Why aren't men angry?

Men modeling women's underwear? Bring it on! Best line: “I guess professionally I’ve left my gender open to artistic interpretation.”

Man Boobz is my new favorite site.

Everything Else

Apparently, you don't catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.Now that's more reason to be snarky! (Not that I've ever needed one.)

My Book Review of Suits

2011-12-16T01:42:00.002+05:30

I really enjoyed Suits by Nina Godiwalla, and as I wrote in my review on Women's Web here, I recommend it unreservedly.

However, there was one thing that kept striking me as I read, one recurring motif that made me want to cry out to the narrator-protagonist-author: "Don't do that!"

There are two threads to the story: the main one is of course about a young woman trying to build a career in one of the biggest, most successful financial companies on Wall Street. But also, there is the American girl from a Parsi family who grew up in a Houston suburb, who remembers her childhood and mostly, how her parents treated her. And almost every reminiscence involves a time when her father bullied her or didn't appreciate her for doing exceptionally well at school. How nothing she did was good enough.

Mid-Week Reads: Growing Old, Reading Maps and Labeling

2011-12-14T09:58:00.000+05:30

This is a beautiful post about growing older. And I agree. I feel great at 30, but I can't say I feel 20. I don't, not really. Those years of life experience count for something!
If ladies just had more self-confidence, they'd be able to read a goddamn map.

Sheryl Sandberg shared this beautiful photo essay on Facebook (of course). Don't label people.

The National Geographic Society announced the recipient of the 10,000th grant it's given in its 123-year history: 32-year-old conservation biologist Krithi Karanth. And her admitting that she faced discrimination and her opinion that women have to work ten times harder is both brilliant and sad.

How to stay invisible when you're browsing LinkedIn.

Since I'm one of the few people I know who really love their job (though the Guy joined the ranks a few months ago, yay!), I really liked reading the comments on this post from people who like their work. Especially read this if you are, or what to be, a lawyer.

Why Do Some Websites Suck?

2011-12-09T18:55:00.000+05:30

Have you noticed a stock photo in a business website you're looking at, in which everyone seems young, well-dressed, cheerful, thin and white? And then looked more carefully at the business to make sure they're only in India. Yeah, they have U.S. or European customers, maybe, but who are those people supposed to be? Customers visiting the office? (And of course, usually that's up on the careers or "our offices" page.)

But that's merely amusing. What's really annoying is automated music, too-small text, and not enough information--what does this company do?

I write about these and other reasons websites suck at the company blog. Check it out.

And tell me: what do you hate about business websites?

Mid-Week Reads: Your Body Is Not A Flaw

2011-12-07T07:34:00.004+05:30

When I started out with this series of posts, I didn't know I'd continue regularly. I didn't think much about it at all. It just seemed a good way of a) turning something purely passive (reading) into something more active (passing it on to you) and both thanking the authors for creating good content as well as introducing it to more people; b) sharing inspirational or cheerful stuff, since I often find myself looking for something like that, usually in the middle of the work-week when I begin to feel overwhelmed, and I thought you might too; and c) putting up an easy blog post, since I'd become irregular and felt like I didn't have the time for the blog.

But apart from the fact that just updating something on the blog every week makes me more inclined to write about other stuff as well... I want to try to keep these posts up. Even though I'm not making anything new. Even though when I started, it seemed just a way of making blog fodder out of something I was doing anyway.

Starry-eyed commented on one of these posts:

Mid-Week Reads: Are You Sure You Want to Be a Manager?

2011-11-30T10:32:00.000+05:30

Really short edition this time, because I'm down with the flu again, and been too busy with work to do much other reading.

If you think you want to be a manager, think again.

You're not your daughter's handsome prince. What about the dynamic between mothers and sons? "The emotional cowardice of the husband/son is at the very heart of the fights between the women who love him most."

And did you know marriage is good for you? Does that mean I don't need to exercise? (Not that I do anyway, but now I can feel good about not doing it. Hey, I'm married.)

Talk to Me

2011-11-25T13:03:00.009+05:30

All you readers, you lurkers, you frequent commenters. I want you to answer me, here.

I wasn't going to blog about this. But by one of those weird coincidences, I read this post on Banno's blog that led me here. And that made me want very much to talk about it.

After the Weekender festival on Saturday, we came out a little hungry after all the jumping around to Pentagram. So we (the Guy, a friend and I) went to Pune's famous kathi-roll place. As we stood on the sidewalk eating, a little boy came along, helping a disabled man.

He was small, and looked hungry. He poked us and held his hand out. We ignored him, shooed him away. He whined to (I assume) his dad, and came back again. We kept eating.

Mid-Week Reads: Flesh, Flush, and Introversion

2011-11-23T09:49:00.004+05:30

This is one of those days when I feel like hiding under my desk because the world outside seems so scary. But let's try cheering you up instead.

First, some cheering up.

Flesh out ideas, don't FLUSH them out.

If you're on Twitter, you have to read this post and stop annoying everyone.

And where should you post your status update?

How to fix any computer.

My Non-Bucket-List Bucket List

2011-11-21T08:57:00.001+05:30

I've never had a real bucket list. I guess I'm just not organized enough. I never thought ahead much: the most I ever remember thinking ahead was to when I was 25 or so, by which time I would, of course, be married to the love of my life. (I am not sure if it's fabulous or depressing that that did come true.)

But as I approached 30, I began to feel I hadn't done enough. I was sure the teenage me would be disappointed in me. Sure, I'm in a wonderful relationship (where after six years we haven't just not driven each other crazy but have actually learned to, you know, not drive each other crazy) and I have a job I love (which I know is rare, from all the cribbing everyone seems to do about their jobs and bosses). But what about all the exciting, wonderful things I was going to do?

New York's Theater District

2011-11-20T13:55:00.001+05:30

I was really glad to find myself right in NYC's theater district. I stayed at the W Hotel on Broadway, and I saw many theaters as I walked or took cabs to my destination.

Of course, I did step inside a theater and watch my very first Broadway show (How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, starring Daniel Radcliff), but just spotting familiar stars or names on billboards got me excited. Here a Woody Allen, there a Kim Catrall, there a Hugh Jackman.

And one of the most interesting experiences of my visit was breakfast at Ellen's Stardust Diner. We walked in on Monday morning to a young woman singing in a diner with few patrons. She opened the door for us and led us to our table, without a break in her song.

As we sat, ordered and ate, there wasn't a break in the entertainment. All four servers took turns singing. The only break was when they explained that they were all aspiring Broadway performers, and asked for donations for dance and acting classes so that "The next time you come here, we won't be."

I've never had a breakfast nearly as entertaining! (The food was pretty good, too.)

The Museum of Modern Art in New York City

2011-11-18T05:41:00.000+05:30

Mostly written last Friday in Newark airport, edited later

I didn't have high expectations from today. After the dreamlike quality of the last few days, I expected it to be anticlimactic. I tweeted in the morning about wishing I could go back to sleep and wake up at home.

I sit at the airport as I write this, and I have a 16-hour flight and a four-hour cab drive in front of me, and that's after at least two more hours before I board. (Turns out it was more than that: my flight was a couple of hours late leaving Newark.)

But today was anything was a disappointment. It was the perfect end to a perfect trip, and it was really more my kind of day than any of the others.

The Sculpture Garden at the MoMA

Mid-Week Reads: Long-Distance Relationships, Food Myths and Weight Gain

2011-11-16T12:05:00.000+05:30

Really short edition this time, since as you know, I've been busy doing other things than reading!

Jezebel has some great tips on dealing with long-distance relationships.

Gaining weight can be a sign of happiness. I laughed when I saw Sally gained 45 pounds in a couple of years after meeting her now-husband, because that's my story too.

10 stubborn food myths that just won't die.

Highlights of My New York Trip in Bullet Points

2011-11-15T05:43:00.001+05:30

I fulfilled a longtime dream: I saw works of Monet and Van Gogh and other artists I've long admired and whose work I've pored over in books. I went to the Metropolitan Museum ~~with my boss and to the Museum of Modern Art~~ with my current awesome boss and the Museum of Modern Art with an old boss I'm still friends with.
I watched Danielle Radcliffe in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying on Broadway. This was my boss's gift to me, and what better gift than a fantastic new experience? (And Radcliffe is amazing.)
I walked around Times Square (several times, actually, since our hotel was right on Times Square!) and sat at a cafe there (but I've said that already).

Sunday Afternoon at the Metropolitan Museum

2011-11-07T17:43:00.010+05:30

Picking up where I left off...

I didn't stay in the room long. I grabbed my coat this time, and my watch, and walked out again. This time, in the opposite direction.

My First Meal in New York City

2011-11-06T21:13:00.001+05:30

I can't believe how beautiful New York is. I'd expected a noisy, polluted city, and really cold right now. But the cold's mild and more than bearable: it's lovely. Noise and pollution: nothing compared to the other cities I've seen.

The cab got me to the hotel in less time than I'd expected. When the cab stopped and the guy at the hotel tried to open my door, I had to look up and wonder what happened. It was a lovely ride, and the cabbie answered my inquisitive questions politely but wasn't gregarious. I looked eagerly at the lovely old-looking buildings, at narrow streets, at the sun shining brightly between skyscrapers. I saw flowers on a street and marveled at the bright flowers I had never seen before.

After dumping my bags in my room and taking a much-needed shower, I venture out into the streets. I don't bring my coat: it hadn't seemed cold enough. But the cold seeps up my arms, even though it only seems to caress my face.

Dreams Come True

2011-11-05T19:50:00.001+05:30

Or they will, for me, starting Sunday.

When I first met my delightful boss in person after months of talking and chatting and emailing (especially emailing), one of the questions she asked me was, "If you could go to one place in all the world, where would you go?"

"There are so many," I told her. And I told her all the cliched things that everyone says, because I've never done any of them. I want to go to Paris and visit the Louvre and eat at a roadside cafe. I want to go to Rome and Venice and take in all the art and architecture and atmosphere.

But if I could only go to one place, what would it be? "New York," I said.

Years ago, my answer would probably have been England. Having read so many books set in the country, I'd like to go see it for myself. When I read one of Alexander McCall Smith's Isabel Dalhousie novels (and how I love them!) I want to visit Edinburgh.

But I have read so much of the cosmopolitan nature of New York. See, I can't even seem to write about it without resorting to cliches. I have seen the Manhattan skyline so often in TV shows. To spend a few days in New York and explore the city was one of my dreams. To go and see the Met, to see some of those breathtaking paintings, in the flesh (so to speak).

I leave today. To spend a few days in the company of my amazing boss, whom I haven't met since that first meeting. To attend a conference that I'm very excited about, and to also take in the flavors of that great city. I plan to go to the Met, at least, to see some of the art I've pored over in the Great Museums books in my parents' home.

I still can't believe it.

Mid-Week Reads: Bad Bosses, Bad Employees, and Handbags

2011-11-02T00:53:00.007+05:30

What behavior characterizes a bad boss and how do you work around it?

Having bad employees around can be very bad for morale.Also, "Leaders who believe that destructive superstars are "tooimportant" to fire often underestimate the damage they can do."

I loved Laurie Penny's observations on fashion here andhere. Especially:

Men's clothes have pockets to carry stuff around in, and that's much more freeing. You're not able to run with a handbag in the same way as you are with a rucksack, which is what I normally have. I remember talking to my sister when I was little and we decided there must be a conspiracy between people who make handbags and people who make clothes for women, whereby the clothes-makers agreed not to put pockets on anything so you'd have to buy a handbag.

And:

But for most people the things that are advertised and drooled over in women's magazines – it's simply an impossible dream to own one. I find it fascinating that some people have to have this thing, even if it costs a month's salary, because that's what they cost for a lot of people, and that's what they spend on it. There is this massive misconception that consumer choice is the same as empowerment. The idea that the goal of a working woman's life and earning money is to be able to earn enough to afford this lovely bag... One of the most fascinating things about consumerism at the moment is you're meant to buy all this stuff that expresses who you are as an individual but individualism, more and more, is homogenous.

This makes me so sad, because it rings so true: an NRI returns to India and realizes it's not home.

This piece on reading books by Jai Arjun Singh made me wantto stand up and applaud.

More of Me

2011-10-30T09:07:00.000+05:30

I'm putting up some of these on this page, but I thought regular readers might want to see what else I've been up to lately.

Volunteering is good not just for the warm, fuzzy feeling: here's how it helped me develop my professional skills.

If you're an introvert, networking isn't easy. So check out the introvert's guide to networking in the real world.

If you're a marketer or a small business strapped for time and money, here are the six most essential marketing activities you should focus on.

Spend a little time spying on your competitors and comparing their marketing performance against yours.

Repurpose content to make the most out of every piece you write.

I reviewed a book, the Cousins by Prema Raghunath, for Women's Web.

I was quoted in this article on manipulative advertising. (I'd offered my thoughts on Twitter, which is at least partly why I come across as somewhat incoherent!) (Hint: follow me on Twitter.)

Mid-Week Reads: Lies Your English Teacher Told You

2011-10-26T10:49:00.002+05:30

Lies your English teacher told you.

Two upper class Indians try living on Rs 100 per day.

Can we please stop setting weight loss goals?

106 excuses that prevent you from becoming great. And OHMIGOD he's only 25.

This is two years old, but hilarious. An assistant freaks out because someone tryingto schedule a meeting with her boss calls her by a nickname she doesn't like.

Stop paying Johnny Depp "stupid money." Celebrities make too much -- andwe can do something about it.

Game: Movies with Healthy Romantic Relationships

2011-10-21T15:56:00.004+05:30

Inspired by this.

I submit...

Well...

Oh.

Some Indian movies with romance in them that I liked are Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara, Jab We Met, Socha Na Tha, Pyaasa. In the first, the lead pair are best friends and date other people but only find out they are in love a little before the end of the movie. In the second, one half of one of the lead couples is possessive, manipulative and thoroughly unlikeable; another couple is adorable, but the woman seems to have no other purpose in the movie than to rescue the man. In the third, the lead pair are friends but only get together in the last few minutes of the movie. In the fourth, ditto. (See a pattern here?) In the fifth, too, more or less.

I've recently loved watching Up in the Air and How Do You Know, but no, no healthy romances there either. I like Notting Hill, but there wasn't much trust there, at least on one side.

Another movie I love so much I've seen parts of it at least half a dozen times on TV is Music and Lyrics. The lead pair talk to each other, complement each other, and are both intelligent and funny and weird in different ways. They seem like real people (even though one of them is a rich aging but still really hot pop star). And even though there's the standard mistake causing lack of trust followed by reparation and reunion, the mistake wasn't unforgivable (especially as our hero redeems himself) yet the heroine's presence in his life inspires him to become a better person. So yeah, healthy enough, overall.

So that's all I have. You?

Mid-Week Reads: the Workplace, Solar Lamps and Other Stuff

2011-10-19T23:22:00.000+05:30

Donate a solar lamp to an underprivileged child so she can study.

Here are 6 ways to grow unhappy, resentful employees.

"The workplace is one of the most "natural" places to find love." Also love this piece of advice: "Fall in love with someone who's really good at his or her job."

I love this article, and I'd say the same about marketing: no, you can't do it just because you can string two words together.

This is so very awesome: some of the 1% in America standing with the 99%.

Check out style and visibility for women who use wheelchairs.

And this is why men should be feminists.

My Father's Daughter

2011-10-16T11:13:00.000+05:30

Last week was my father’s birthday. For the last couple ofyears, this time of year didn’t bring me any especial anguish. So I finallythought I was over it, that I was whole again. But this year, the scars tingledagain.

There was so much about my father I didn’t like. So much I didn’tagree with. Often, I feel my life is less complicated, more peaceful because he’snot around.

But recently, I have been wondering what it might have beenlike if he was. Maybe he’d be enjoying retirement after a lifetime of work.Maybe he’d have learned to relax and have fun. Maybe he’d call me up once in awhile, tell me about a book he’d just finished. Or ask me about my work and howI’m doing. Maybe he’d have been proud of me.

Mid-Week Reads: Mostly About Work

2011-10-13T12:39:00.000+05:30

Really short this time because all the power cuts have left me little time to read online. (And also, that's why I couldn't post this yesterday.)

Every teenager should read this.

On women's work.

Build your personal brand.

Infographic resumes.

What to do if you think you might be fired.

Mid-Week Reads: Lots of Good Stuff

2011-10-05T21:29:00.015+05:30

After ages, here's a nice long post full of things to read.

First, work.

How to deal with a micromanager who manages you.

Dealing with obsessive passion for your work.

This CEO threatens to fire employees for not replacing the milk.(Seriously? That's what he spends his time getting agitated about? Not havingmilk for his coffee? Keep some milk powder or something in your office, orassign one employee to do this: what's the point of being CEO if you have tothrow a tantrum because something in your office isn't working the way youwant?)

As one commenter says here: "Personally, I’d be damned embarrassed to beknown as the CEO who couldn’t even keep milk in his company fridge withoutthrowing a hissy fit."

Mid-Week Reads: Books and Poems and Business

2011-09-27T21:36:00.003+05:30

I completely agree with this view of popular fiction, or any piece of pop culture:

"Fun romps are where you see what people really think. What they think is funny, who they think is a good butt for a joke, which broad stereotypes they think are valid and which they think should be subverted, what they create when they think it’s just for fun, not for literature."

Also, read this.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a physical wreck, youknow. There’s no moral obligation to be Postmaster General or Master ofFoxhounds or to live to walk ten miles at eighty.”
- Lord Brideshead

I quite loved this poem: When I Am Old.

The best new graphic novels.

Lisa Barone explains the raison d'etre of content marketing.

I loved this story of unfinished business between a boss and the employee he fired long ago.

Next Time Someone Asks Why We Need Feminism

2011-09-23T01:59:00.002+05:30

Women represent 40% of the world’s labor force but hold just 1% of the world’s wealth.

One percent.

I can't think of anything else to say.

Mid-Week Reads: Work, Education, Appearance

2011-09-21T10:22:00.000+05:30

Appearance

Ten rules for fatgirls.

Loved thispost (hat tip: Aishwarya)because it's kind of along the lines of my own outlook towards clothes. I loveclothes, don't get me wrong, but unbrushed hair, frayed shorts and fadedt-shirts are my uniform, especially as I work from home as much or more thanfrom office. But I do have a beautiful purple top.

Work

Advice ondealing with incompetent coworkers.

Reactions to the Tata Sky Ad Campaign

2011-09-18T09:38:00.000+05:30

No, Agency FAQs, the Tata Sky ad doesn't encourage people to "ask questions", it encourages customers to ask for offers. And no, it's not quite the same thing. Encourage customers to ask for details is another thing; implying that you might not know what discounts or offers are on the product without asking for them is just sloppy marketing. It doesn't please me as a consumer to think that your salespeople might sell to me at a higher price by not telling me about an available discount. You're not making me feel special by saying the onus is on me to get a better offer. The salespeople is supposed to sell the offers without my prompting.

"Today, I saw an old man carrying a Tata Sky package in a taxi with an LED TV on the taxi roof; he must have asked the right questions!" Das responds with candour.

That's not candour: that's cleverness. But that's the problem with afaqs: a lot of admiration and not enough analysis.

Mid-Week Reads: Bad Bosses

2011-09-14T09:05:00.000+05:30

Eight questions on managing your boss, answered.

How to tell if you have (are) a bad boss.

What we should have been taught in high school.

I don't miss my childhood either, and this rang very true for me: "I didn’t like kids even when I was a kid. I didn’t like being a kid."

Gift engine predicts what your Facebook friends want. This is cool, but if you want to get me something for my birthday (coming soon! and it's a landmark one! Boo-hoo I'm growing old), let me know and I'll share my Flipkart wishlist with you

Maya Bizarre and Ganesh.

That's it. What, too short? Why don't you tell us what you've been reading.

Why I Am A Feminist - III

2011-09-10T08:26:00.000+05:30

(An old draft that I'd never completed)

Or, Unmana ko gussa kyon aata hai, as a friend once put it.

I get angry easily. I am impatient. I lose my temper, I lash out, I shake, I cry. Here are some of the things that make me angry.

Men who make sexist statements while pretending to be only logical. Who pretend to be allies. Who think women should be equal only if it's convenient to men. Who think women should be barred certain jobs because, oh, men might harass them. Funnily, none of these men ever suggest marriage should be banned: though aren't so many women abused by their husbands and in-laws? Oh no, but that might inconvenience men. (I'm not saying women don't make sexist statements, but it's when men do it that I'm angrier. Because the oppressors have no right to tell the oppressed what kind and measure of equality they should ask for.)

Men who refuse to consider me as a person because I am a woman. Back when I was in Gurgaon and used to take the office cab to work, the cabwallah would ask me for directions until a man got into the car, and often ask the man for directions to my house. And which woman hasn't had repairmen, or salesmen or other such men ignore her while he talks to the man beside her, assuming that he knows more or he's in charge?

Mid-Week Reads: HR, Fashion and Feminist Blog Awards

2011-09-07T10:24:00.002+05:30

A shorter post than usual, because I’m struggling to catchup with work this week.

I completely agree with GautamGhosh on HR. HR is a very underrated function, at least in theorganizations I’ve seen: HR is supposed to perform administrative activities andrarely performs their real purpose of improving productivity and culture.

Advicefor job-seekers.

If you blog about feminism, do participate in the Indian Homemaker’sblog awards: it’s a terrific initiative.

DearFashion Industry: this is from 2005, but oh, so true still. (Especiallytrue in India, I guess. I'd add: please stop making clothes that come apartafter I wash them once? The Guy's clothes get machine-washed and shoved intothe dryer for years and they get faded and thin but the buttons and seams don'tcome off. Some clothes I buy get buttons and seams off after the first wash.Max, I'm looking at you--and I'm never buying from you again.)

Mid-Week Reads: Work, Entertainment and Other Things

2011-08-31T00:38:00.002+05:30

Work

HBR has some good tips on managing multiple bosses.

The problem with perfection. How often have you not started something because you just couldn’t get it perfect? (Too often, for me.)

Pay the artist to promote their work.

And this is how to figure out if/when you should work for free.

More Things To Like About the Harry Potter Series

2011-08-23T13:05:00.000+05:30

One of the reasons I can't stop blogging is because of the wonderfully smart people who read and comment (not often enough, do y'all hear me?). And because I'm lazy, and I'm sick again, I'm going to cheat on today's post and just share two lovely comments on the last post.

Starry eyed says:

The humour! Though I must've re-read the books thrice by now, I'm now reading them aloud to my daughter, and am dissolving into fits of laughter so often! It's that way JKR creates the picture in your mind, of spells and charms hitting classmates, of the half-transfiguring mistakes going on during conversations b/w Harry and his friends during lessons...it's LOL all thru during the drama, adventure, tragedies and friendship. Makes it endearing!

Thank you, Starry. Now please go back to your blog and write us a post or two. Do you know how long it's been?

Mad Hatter says:

oh i enjoyed some of the word play. cant remember too many examples now, but i liked the little inversions of word-order that she did, or the slight tweak in a familiar word or concept to come up with a new fun idea. i remember being taken up with 'put-outers' :)

I love everything @lankr1ta writes, especially on feminism, and wish she would write far more often!

All her female characters are really strong. look at Bellatrix Lestrange- she is the most powerful Death Eater. Or Rita Skeeter who makes Harry's life living hell through her pieces.
And then there is Molly Weasely, the one who finishes Bellatrix off. And Ginny- who is a strong brave person. And Fleur who should be a dumb blonde but is not. Or the fact that what saves Harry is his mother Lily's sacrifice. Or McGonagall, and Professior Sprout or Madam Pomfrey or even Tonks who are such strong women of their own type. And did I forget Madam Hooch who teaches the kids to fly. There is such a strong undercurrent of people being good or bad regardless of gender.

Besides what I really like is how her stories work hard against prejudice and stereotyping.
Oh and did I mention the very unconventional idea that Dumbledore is gay and has shades of weakness and strength- life being about "choices" not innate qualities.

A few thoughts of my own to add on to @lankr1ta's comment:

First: I totally agree about the women characters. They are well-rounded, three-dimensional, even when they feature for about twenty seconds (like Tonks' mother and her story, told in a few sparse lines, of how she rebelled against her snobbish rich and presumably evil parents and avoided the fate of her sisters Bellatrix and Narcissa).
Also agree about the female characters on the other side being well-rounded and actually evil, not just sultry temptresses. Bellatrix is kind of the stereotypical evil person (there's no explanation for why she is the way she is, little about her background, but we know she's bad all the way), but she's a woman. Umbridge (funny how her name just came to me right now, when I couldn't remember it yesterday) is so evil and manipulative, yet her motivation is easy to understand if not empathize with, and I think she makes a worthy rival to Voldemort in villainy (though Voldemort isn't the most well-etched of villains).
As to prejudice and stereotyping, I only partly agree. Fleur isn't a dumb blonde, as Ally points out, though she should have been in a typical book. And Dumbledore is gay. However, Dumbledore isn't gay in the book (or at least he's in the closet): we only know it because Rowling said so later. I would have liked Sirius to be in love with James too, but that might be just me. I wish Rowling had been a little braver and had openly queer characters. (Don't even try saying "that would harm our children." Reading giant spiders and abuse by foster parents doesn't hurt kids, but that all love isn't between a man and a woman does?)

And now, because I'm home sick and that's the best time to reread one of these books, let me get to that.

More Thoughts on the Harry Potter Series

2011-08-22T10:16:00.000+05:30

I've pointed out other people's opinions on what's wrong with the Harry Potter books (opinions I mostly agree with). But the reason why we're even talking about these books is that there's so much that's right about them. So let me point out a few of those (though they're quite obvious anyway).

They're such a good read. There are so many naysayers who deplore Rowling's writing, and I kind of see where they're coming from. Literary, she's not, but she tells a good story and she entertains us and moves us and keeps us engaged till the end. That's pretty good in itself. For a work of popular fiction, I think the characters are pretty well-developed and interesting (let me not compare with other popular writers, in case some of you are fans!).
And the books got a whole generation of kids interested in reading, and created a phenomenon that was mostly reserved for expensive toys (Apple or otherwise), not books! She makes us nerds look hip.

Motorcycle Rides

2011-08-20T22:10:00.000+05:30

I had forgotten how it feels to be on a bike. There is no shutting out the noise and dust and smoke: it's all around you. I'd forgotten how vulnerable it feels when another vehicle comes within inches of you, and there's nothing between it and your skin. It gives me a new appreciation for my car, where I can feel safe and listen to music or talk to myself or the Guy, or sing aloud.

What almost makes up for it though, are the times when we turn into a quiet leafy lane and pass through with no sound but that of the breeze brushing against us.

Books I Have Been Reading: Wilbur Smith's "River God"

2011-08-19T08:29:00.001+05:30

As I've said here, kind friends have been keeping me so supplied with books I haven't bought any in months. I seem to remember reading one of his Zimbabwe books when I was a kid, but it's a vague memory.

I picked up River God with some hesitation, but it was the perfect escapist novel and a very good follow-up to the Bartimeaus books. I had expected it to be more serious reading that would help me learn more about Egyptian history, but really, it's just a fantasy novel set in ancient Egypt.

Being Thankful

2011-08-18T07:46:00.001+05:30

As I wrote here, I could go on and on telling you about the great things in my life I'm grateful for. It's not that I don't have anything to gripe about. But there are two reasons why I'd rather talk about the good things.

First, it makes me feel better. I could complain how my job doesn't earn me enough money instead of telling you how much I love working at it and how wonderful my boss is. I could talk about the things I wish I had better: more money, better health, more success at my work.

But that would make me focus more on the negative. Cribbing about my job would make me wonder why I do something I hate. It would make me feel like a loser, for wanting something better but not getting it. It would make me question whether I deserved better. And it would make me a worse worker because I would have less confidence in my abilities. It would make me a less fun spouse, because I'd be unhappy.

Mid-Week Reads: Finding and Losing Jobs

2011-08-17T06:29:00.002+05:30

I hadn't thought of this that way before, but this post on Dumbledore's Theory of Early Education makes a lot of sense. (And there's a pretty good discussion in the comments space.)

And speaking of cupboard under the stairs: where children sleep.

Read about World War II hero Nancy Wake.

Five ways you can lose a job through Facebook.

And as one commenter here put it, this belongs to the "Are You Kidding Me" pile: will my reference to an orgy in my cover letter hurt my chances?

Sick.

2011-08-16T09:24:00.001+05:30

Coincidences are funny things.

Effe and I went to the same school. For ten and a half years. We knew each other, our moms made friends waiting to take us home when school was over. But we were always in different sections and we never made friends.

Then my dad took a job in a small town and we moved away from Guwahati. I came back in a couple of years to go to college. Effe was there too, and we had the same group of friends. We spent a lot of time together, in a group (of around a dozen people). I thought she was way too conformist and un-independent (she refused to bunk classes because her brother might see her). She thought I had a bad, selfish friend (she was right).

How A Great Job Is Like A Great Relationship

2011-08-12T11:30:00.000+05:30

Because I have a cold that kept me up half the night and I have lots of work and very little energy, here's something I wrote over a year ago, three weeks into my current job.

I feel like I'm in love.

There's that same feeling of learning more and more about the other party and being mostly impressed with everything.It's that feeling of being insanely lucky to have found them, at last. It's of wondering each day how things got so good they could barely be better. It's of eying minor idiosyncrasies (like my weird hours)* and the obstacles (the long commute).**

I even willingly offer to put in work from home. For someone who just spent nine months at home doing barely anything, that's huge.

I had begun to question my drive, like you question your ability to fall in love when you're all grown up and looking but no one seems good enough. But it just needs the right partner for everything to fall in place.

* Not anymore, but seriously, they were odd. Veeru had taken to calling me Batwoman because I only came out at night (and missed a lot of parties!).
** Not anymore! My office moved near my home! If that isn't true love, what is?

Quick Thoughts on Identifying People by Relationship Status

2011-08-11T11:30:00.000+05:30

I have written before that I don't believe in marriage: I don't see the value it brings, apart from the legal (and thereby, financial) status it conveys. But in the short term, I'd be happy if we could abolish terms that describe a person solely in terms of their current, or past, marital status.

I could live with adjectives. Saying you're single or married or in a relationship is useful information, usually (at least for the purposes of small talk). Though it seems more natural to have it come up in casual conversation ("My husband made this amazing pasta yesterday . . ." or "My girlfriend got into this MBA program . . .") than to state it as a fact, especially an introductory one.

Mid-Week Reads: Bosses, Interviews and Gender

2011-08-10T00:35:00.003+05:30

Through Corporette, here are the best interview questions you should ask as an interviewer and questions you should ask when you're being interviewed.

A rant about street harassment.

The legitimacy of fashion interest and the gendering of kids' stuff are best read together. Also read this on gender-neutral parenting.

Here are ten ways to make your boss love you and things great bosses never do. (A funny tidbit: I sent my boss the first and she sent me the second, and we each asked the other how we do on these. I'd say, if you ask--or can ask--that's a pretty good sign.)

What's New Today?

2011-08-09T09:40:00.000+05:30

Check out this new page on the blog. This is something I've been planning to do for the longest time and finally got around to. Now you know what I've been doing when I haven't been talking to you.

Books I Have Been Reading: the Bartimeaus Series

2011-08-08T09:27:00.001+05:30

The four Bartimeaus books (two that I bought, one after the other, and the other two lent me by a kind friend) entertained me for some long hours, especially when I wasn't feeling very well, so I am feeling very affectionate towards them. I was surprised to find each book better than the last.

The Amulet of Samarkand is good, if somewhat predictable. What actually holds your interest is the character of young Nathaniel, who starts out being an extremely sympathetic protagonist--a young lonely orphan--but turns out more complex and less likeable as the book progresses. The book is narrated alternately by the djinn, Bartimeaus, and by a third-person narrator who focuses on Nathaniel. In this first book, I found the passages by the djinn a little uninteresting and frivolous, a break in the story of Nathaniel.

More on Women and Equality

2011-08-07T10:46:00.003+05:30

Yesterday's post elicited these wonderful comments from mad hatter. So I'm putting it out here for all to see.

An Old Draft on Feminism

2011-08-06T02:29:00.000+05:30

. . . that had been lying in an unused email folder. It was written nearly two years ago

---

To put it cheesily, feminism isn't a separate compartment in my mind, but a solvent that colours my view of life. I wanted to figure out the ways in which feminism makes my life better, but it's difficult to isolate its influence from all other influences. This is an imperfect attempt. (When I say feminism here, I don't mean the efforts of feminists before me. Obviously I owe them a lot - women in India mostly have equal rights in law, and I can work outside of the home and own property and things like that. What I am trying to pin down is how my subscription to the feminist view of equality of the sexes and refusing to stereotype people based on their gender affects my life.)

I am not apologetic about my choices. I do not think it is MY responsibility alone, as a wife, to ensure that my home is clean, that the kitchen is well-stocked, that my husband gets hot healthy meals. I do not often beat myself up for getting lost in a book when there's laundry waiting to be done or the kitchen is messy. I do not force myself to cook when my father-in-law is visiting and I am tired: we merely order in. Or the husband cooks, and I set the table without trying to pretend I am helping in the kitchen. (I have noticed myself getting less apologetic over time, as my feminism evolved and my conviction that I am not answerable to anyone grew.) I cook or do laundry when I want to, as does my husband. I nag him for leaving used socks all over the house, but I appreciate him when he cleans up after me. We are both adults and responsible for ourselves, and when either of us does some mundane chore for the other, it is a loving gesture, not the living out of a role.
It makes me angry, not scared or guilty or self-conscious, when a strange man - or an acquaintance - ogles me. I know it is their perversion, not my "fault" of wearing a tight top, that makes them behave this way. I am free to ignore them or to stare back in turn. It makes me angry that I should be facing this, but they can't affect me enough to make me stay home or shed tears over my helplessness.
I can recognize sexism more clearly.
Perhaps most importantly, I have a happier marriage - and probably healthier relationships overall. We don't depend on each other because of a certain traditional role the other fulfills. If I am away, my husband would miss my conversation, not my cooking. My husband doesn't feel pressurised to be the 'provider'. If he wants to take a few months break from work, he can count on me to support him - and I can do the same. Parents on either side do not expect me to cook and him to pay the bills, and that probably helps them look past the 'role' of a son or daughter-in-law and grow to know and love us for the persons we are.

The Monsoons in Pune

2011-08-05T08:32:00.000+05:30

One way to write a post every day for the month would be totell you about something in my life that I’m glad of—but no, that would be lazyand I won’t do that. Not every day.

But one thing I’m thankful for lately is the weather. Myloathing of hot weather is well-documented, so right now is when I’m happiestin Pune: it’s cool and breezy and often drizzles. There’s a heavier rain too,at times, but this season at least, it’s never lasted very long.

This morning, the sun was out and it was almost warm. I stoodout on the balcony and thought, “it doesn’t look like it will rain anytimesoon.” I went in to shower and get dressed for office and came back out to thebalcony to hang out my towel. It was drizzling. By the time I gathered my bag,the rain was pouring down.

Hello, There

2011-08-04T08:05:00.001+05:30

Anyone still here? No? I know, why should you be? I haven't been giving you much lately. So you've all gone away and my blog is like a schoolyard after the bell for class has rung, quiet and lonely.

So how about this? I'll write you a post every day. For the rest of the month. Every single day.

Some of them will be sorry-excuses-of-posts, like this one. Some will be just a picture, maybe. Some days I'll find something I've written long ago and put that up. Some days I'll link to stuff I've written elsewhere or stuff other people have. But maybe some days I'll have something substantial to say. Maybe if I make myself talk to you everyday I'll find out I have something to say after all.

So, will you listen?

What? I'll start tomorrow.

Mid-Week Reads: Marketing and Other Stuff

2011-08-03T00:10:00.003+05:30

Marketing

How topitch a blogger.

Shouldtraffic ever trump taste? (The answer, if you're wondering, is no.)

Buildyour personal brand.

Other Things

Back to Using the Blog as Diary

2011-07-29T20:21:00.003+05:30

All of the last week, I had been feeling tired, almost ill. On Tuesday, I told my boss I wanted a day off: I didn't think I could make it to the weekend without rest: besides, on Saturday, we have a long FOC meeting to get through. So I decided I'd take Thursday off. But by Wednesday already I was feeling much worse. Thanks to my wonderfully understanding boss, I can work from home and did just that, working on whatever was urgent and pushing off the rest.

I spent much of Thursday goofing off: reading, playing games watching TV. When I got off the living room couch late in the afternoon, it was to go to bed and sleep. When I woke up after an hour or so, the Guy was home. I got up and showered and we walked out. It started raining just as we left and the lone autowallah was (of course!) asking for extra money and I was cranky. But finally the autowallah gave in and we got in and the rain stopped and things seemed better again.

And then we got this beauty to take home.

Mid-Week Reads: The Shortest One Yet

2011-07-27T00:19:00.001+05:30

What? I wrote you a nice long post just a couple of days ago.And I'm working on something else that should be up soon. (Don't hold your breath.)

Thisstory of how a stranger opened up his home to this family who needed helpmade me go awww.

Ifound Suze Orman's story inspiring.

Don't resign unless .. .

Nexttime someone asks when you're going to have kids (or another kid), point themto this.

10Things you should have learned in school.

Weekend at Dandeli

2011-07-25T08:49:00.000+05:30

I quite forgot to tell you all about my weekend away a few weeks ago. Here are some notes I'd started writing, and pictures.

It seems I come back from every vacation saying it was the best of my life. This wasn't a "proper" vacation, just a weekend, but we packed a great deal of fun into those few days.

Dandeli is near Dharwad, and the last time I'd gone to Dharwad for FoC work two years ago we had talked of going to Dandeli sometime. And then I forgot about it.

Then Aparna had to go to Dharwad on a Sunday, and between wanting to go with her and help and getting some fun in, we decided all four of us (including the husbands) would go to Dandeli first before turning up for the meeting at Dharwad.

Mid-Week Reads: Recruitment and Harry Potter

2011-07-20T20:23:00.002+05:30

Recruitment and Work

So many of the links this week are from the same blog that I could just pointyou to it and say, “Go, read everything.” But because I’m a good contentcurator I’ll share with you some of the posts from this blog that I’ve read andloved this week.

Howto write a good cover letter. Also read the comment from "Skinny sizeme."

Iloved reading these responses from candidates who had been rejected fora job. What, who'sa mere hiring manager to reject them?!

Dangersigns when you're interviewing for a job.

Respondingto negative feedback from a manager.

Mid-Week Reads: Success and the Internet

2011-07-13T00:21:00.004+05:30

Work and Success

Youknow what to do, so do it. Yeah, that holds for me too. I've actually got 2,700emails in my work reading folder (mostly newsletters from marketing or businessexperts or blog posts delivered as email) because I've tried to reduce thenumber of new ideas I come up with until I do all I already know I need to do.(Clearly, I'm not cutting down enough, because . . . look at the length of thisblog post, which is the best of whatI've read in the last few days. Not counting the fashion blogs and the comics.)

Here's some great advice from a recruitment-related blog I'mhooked to. First, howdo you answer when someone asks what your weaknesses are in an interview?Also, whatpieces of career advice have become outdated?

What would DonDraper do? In defense of Draper, however, "saying something insanelysmart" is his job.

I loved SherylSandberg's TED talk, which I've featured previously, and I loved thisprofile of her in the New Yorker. Do read about how this smart, spunkywoman made it big in a male-dominated industry.

Another TED talk: the8 secrets of success. Don't blame me if you've heard them all before. Thatdoesn't mean they aren't true. Though I suspect they left out something reallybig--luck.

The Internet

The one questionthat drives the web is "Why Wasn't I Consulted?"

Howto deal with trolls.

UnfriendingFacebook friends.

Whatwe learn about the internet from movies.

Alsosee how to hack a computer in an action movie.

Society and Culture

Ilove that the Bee posted the passage from Astrid Lindgren's Pippa book that Ilove best.

I loved Delhi Belly so much, and thisanalysis by Baradwaj Rangan nails it.

Evenpeople who have committed crimes deserve a chance.

Readthis beautiful, powerful story of a young girl who saved up for years so shecould get away from home. She also grew up into one of the most influential(and admired, especially by me) people in the internet marketing world.

AnnieZaidi expresses her ambivalence about the Slutwalk. She arrives at thisconclusion:

But let us not make the mistake of dismissing younganti-blame, anti-shame activists. There is nothing more putrescent than toallow half the human race to assault and humiliate the other half, and thenblame the victims for bringing it on. Violence against women is a humanproblem, and it cuts across class and race. So perhaps the new feministdiscourse will be rooted in this: This battle to undo the hundreds of big andsmall violent acts against the bodies of our sisters, this struggle to livewithout fear.
The Besharmi Morcha might be a small reactionary wave. Itmight not lead to anything. But I see it as a point on a continuum.

We are all doing what we can. Let us not piss on the singlespark just because it is not already a great consuming fire.

Mid-Week Reads: Happiness and Interview Tips

2011-07-05T23:57:00.001+05:30

Work and Writing

Whatnot to say in an interview.

Alsocheck out these interviewing tips from my VP of HR.

Here’s some advicefor writers.

A Beeof a Certain Age visits Jane Austen's grave.

I watched a couple of TED talks while having lunch yesterday,and I thought I'd share them with you. I totally plan to start the30-day challenge. Matt Cutts gave me some much-needed motivation to improvemy life.

Art with Heart

2011-07-03T11:06:00.001+05:30

Friends of Children is hosting an art exhibition to raise funds. If you're in Pune, please come by to support us! It's at Art2Day Gallery, 1, Phayre Road, S.M. Joshi Hindi School Campus, next to Jagtap Nursery, Hutchings School Lane Camp, Pune 411 040. It's on till 7 July, 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.

But the biggest reason to come is that the paintings are so beautiful. We were at the preview last evening, and I walked round the gallery over and over again awe-struck at the beautiful works on display, and behaved like a tongue-tied fangirl when I met the artists.

Mid-Week Reads: Introversion, Efficiency and Overwork

2011-06-30T11:56:00.001+05:30

Work

What do youdo when you're overworked? I like that the expert leads with:

“Sometimes the problem isn’t the workload, butthe employee.

“I’ve seen some people complainabout being overworked when I know they’re on Facebook during the day orchecking their personal email. You don’t get to claim you’re overworked untilyou’ve tried cutting out distractions and really focusing."

Domore in your workday.

Procrastinationis easier to beat if you think of it as involuntary.

Everything Else

Mid-Week Reads: Work Hard, but Follow Your Passion

2011-06-22T12:32:00.000+05:30

Work, work and more work

It’s almost the end of my work-week (yeah, really. I’mtraveling for a work-related-thing tomorrow and going away for the weekend onFriday!), but it’s still the middle of yours, suckers. So get some ideas or inspirationfrom these.

Followingpassion is great, even in a jobless world.

Shortsfor office—really? I have one pair of shorts as short as some in thatpicture, and I've only ever found it appropriate for the beach or in the summerinside my house. I would, though, like to work in an office where such clotheswere appropriate!

Mid-Week Reads: the Children, Gender, Work and Social Media Edition

2011-06-15T10:53:00.001+05:30

Work

New rulesfor a new work era: I'd like to brag that that IS my work-life most of thetime. Except for the no-stress—that rule is just silly. How can there be nostress if you're interested in your work and its outcomes?

And here are tips on wearinga blazer to look more professional.

Doesbeing ambitious mean acting like a man?

"Mockingbird" by Kathryn Erskine

2011-06-10T18:10:00.001+05:30

My darling boss sent me this beautiful, amazing book. It's named after To Kill A Mockingbird, because the protagonist, a ten-year-old girl with Asperger's syndrome, loves the movie and wants to be like Scout. But Caitlin herself is quite as brave and smart as Scout ever was, dealing with the death of her brother in a tragic shooting and helping her dad and herself find closure.

Part of the reason why I loved the book was that I could so relate to young Caitlin. I still hide under a pillow sometimes when I don't want to face life, and I hate people speaking loudly and getting in My Personal Space almost as much as she does.

Mid-Week Reads: Very Short Edition

2011-06-08T09:47:00.005+05:30

Very short, quick post today because I seem to have a ton of work piled up and my email's dying on me. I'll have to rush in to office to get it looked at! Anyway. Let's start.

Why color consciousness, not color blindness, is the answer.

This post has some great lessons on finding satisfying work.

Looking Down From My Balcony

2011-06-05T14:04:00.000+05:30

A girl walking a dog,

A stray dog walking itself

The loud squeaking of an old swing

The louder shouts of children

The flapping of a pigeon’s wing

As it flies against the wind

And me listening, watching

From my balcony above

A detached prisoner

Who has to get back to work.

A long-ago post about looking out of the window.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-06-01T16:22:00.007+05:30

Babies and Gender and Family Values

GB speculates on the importance of babies for married couples in India.

I defy you to not have these pictures--especially the first one--make you go "Awwwww!" And to make you furtherjealous, I got to play with these yummy little ones too.

Susan Outwits the Experts - 3

2011-05-29T00:04:00.001+05:30

Click on each image to enlarge and read it. Read part 1 and part 2.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-05-25T14:20:00.001+05:30

Surprise! People who don't want children are happy too! And that Jessica Copeland echoes how I feel about my family.

I like to keep these round-ups about motivational or fun stuff, but I really liked this description of the duties of a hotel housekeeper.

If you haven't read enough about the Jan Lokpal Bill already, here are more details.

Susan Outwits the Experts, Part 2

2011-05-22T14:01:00.002+05:30

As before, please click on the image to enlarge and read.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-05-18T11:34:00.001+05:30

Helping a friend move? Read this!

What would we say of men if we talked of them the same way we talk of women?

Teaching composition is hard! (And why did I never attend any of these classes?)

My Return to Personal Blogging

2011-05-17T09:46:00.000+05:30

I thought I was done blogging about my personal life. You don't want to know what I did last weekend, right? Not unless it was something shockingly embarrassing: and in that case, I don't want you to know because you might be a colleague or an acquaintance and do I want all of them (you? I'm getting mixed up now) knowing so much about me?

Then I read G's post on our party and I started writing a long comment and then I thought, if she can blog about my party, so can I!

First, thanks for all the lovely things you say, G.

And that infographic's pretty cool too. It took me some time to understand what it meant though, so if you're
(you=the reader now, keep up!) similarly visually challenged, I think what she meant was the number of people she could relate to increased a great deal after she came to our party.

Susan Outwits the Experts

2011-05-15T22:50:00.000+05:30

Here's something I wrote back in school. Click on each image below to enlarge and read it.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-05-11T08:42:00.000+05:30

In defense of prudes (and sluts).

The always-hilarious Amrita on what Bollywood moms would say on Mother's Day.

I loved reading this account of how the way the sari is most commonly draped came to be.

Check out this slideshow on movies on motherhood. (I have to confess I haven't watched a single one yet!)

And here's a beautiful letter from a mother to her daughter.

The Blue Dress

2011-05-08T19:07:00.001+05:30

It was Partho's birthday, and he offered to take us all out to a nightclub. We were all thrilled: that kind of entertainment wasn't exactly regular with us. Abha and I had been roommates and friends for over six months, and we'd never done that before.

I carefully picked out what to wear: my denim skirt and a black strappy top. I applied kajal more carefully than usual, and added a dab of lip gloss. Abha called, "Come on, the guys are here."

As I stepped out of my room, I saw Abha and stared. She wore a blue dress: a beautiful turquoise blue, but that wasn't what took my breath away. The dress was short: quite a few inches shorter than my knee-length denim skirt. (And Abha's taller than me.) But even that wasn't what I stared at.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-05-04T22:03:00.001+05:30

I nodded along as I read this perspective about war and Osama bin Laden's death.

And if you're tired of reading news (and conspiracy theories) watch this video or read the transcript of Obama's speech at the White House correspondents' dinner. That man's got some seriously funny speechwriters and an amazing poker face.

The royal wedding doesn't make women stupid.

This is for women (and men too) who don't think feminism has anything to do with them.

My favorite marketing blogger and entrepreneur shares "29 Things No One Told Me About Business".

Summer Heat

2011-05-01T23:40:00.000+05:30

The heat is like a third person in the room

Making us shift uncomfortably in our chairs

We can’t have a private conversation

Just you and me.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-04-27T10:03:00.000+05:30

Women and Work

The Wall Street Journal is covering women in the economy andhas some great stories.

Where are all the senior-level women?

Invitation to Lunch - 2

2011-04-24T15:05:00.001+05:30

Click on the image to enlarge and read

Let's Talk

2011-04-22T21:50:00.000+05:30

There's a crime, an abomination that is so very common but that we rarely talk about. Children being sexually abused by adults, often by adults known to them, by adults they and their parents trust. This happened to me, multiple times, and it has probably happened to most of the women you know, and some of the men. Yet do you know what's most horrifying?

If you're not a survivor yourself, read the survivor's stories on the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month blog. In all the entries I have read, my own stories, the other stories I have heard, the child, the victim feels ashamed and guilty. She often doesn't talk about it to her parents and rarely tries to get her abuser punished. She is scared out of her wits and feels the abuse is somehow her fault.

No Mid-Week Reads

2011-04-20T14:26:00.002+05:30

. . . today. I'm not well and struggling to keep up with work. Come back on Sunday.

Invitation to Lunch - Part 1 of 2

2011-04-17T21:23:00.000+05:30

Click on the image to enlarge it

Mid-Week Reads

2011-04-13T10:24:00.000+05:30

A short version this time, because I've been too busy to read much. My mom's visiting,and I've taken today off so the three of us can go out and have fun.

Here's why you should quit the internet. (I said you, not me.)

Pieces like this are why I'm such a fan of Jai Arjun Singh. I've got to hunt up Satyakam now. I also liked his latest post on Red Rose: thank you for a much-needed dose of the funnies, Jai.

Jai Arjun Singh also takes on something I often think about: the notion of "human superiority".

Here's a heartwarming reminder of how political differences don't preclude friendship.

The power of storytelling.

Orchids

2011-04-10T11:49:00.002+05:30

The first time we fought, he gave me roses. Big openblood-red blossoms that he had picked out from his little terrace garden. Therewere just three of them, and they shed petals as I caressed them and cried.After we had kissed and made up, I put them in water in a glass to which Iadded some sugar, at his suggestion. But by early morning, almost all thepetals had dropped by the side of the glass. I saw them when I went to thekitchen to get myself a glass of water. I went back to bed and curled up againsthim.

He only brought me flowers when we fought, never on mybirthday or any other occasion. They varied with the season – and with theintensity of our fights. He brought me chrysanthemums in winter: lovely whiteblooms that stood ladylike in the wine bottle I had put them in. He gave me ahibiscus once, one large red flower that he plucked as I walked over to theedge of his terrace, sulking. He touched my face with it, and then tucked itinto my hair.

“You look like a goddess,” he said. And I turned around andsmiled.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-04-06T00:56:00.001+05:30

Some April Fool gags.

AdWords.

TechCrunch.

Here's a list.

And another.

Bidisha - 2

2011-04-03T12:02:00.001+05:30

Part 1 here

How Unmana Watched the World Cup

2011-04-03T10:22:00.001+05:30

Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style": Essential Reading for Writers in English

2011-03-31T21:47:00.000+05:30

I finished this book in a couple of weekdays: sneaking one chapter in at lunchtime, one after dinner. Much of it's pretty basic, but pretty good basics. Even if you only write emails and performance reviews (and especially if you need to adopt American usage), this book will help you. Yes, it's expensive (and a small enough book for that price), but think of it as career development.

In fact, I'd say this book is even better for non-professional writers, for people who don't depend on writing for their livelihood. (If you do, you probably know all the principles in this book already, and probably enough to even flout some of them.)

Mid-Week Reads

2011-03-30T01:59:00.000+05:30

Sex and Gender Issues

A group of bloggers are blogging all through April against Child Sexual Abuse: join up!

How to date someone with less money or more time: Thisis specifically for women, but it should work the other way around too. The keyalways is more honest communication: with yourself and with the other person.

Bidisha - 1

2011-03-27T23:44:00.003+05:30

I met Anirban datoday. Seeing him revived all those memories that had been buried under thesands of time. Those fun times in the hostel, chatting away well past midnight,rushing to the desk on hearing the footsteps of the warden, slogging away intothe early hours of the morning at exam time, listening to Anirban da play the violin, and… that finalterrible break in the friendliness and friendship that pervaded our room.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-03-23T09:37:00.004+05:30

If you're interested in management, read this on using influence to get things done. I see my boss using some of these (and believe you me, she's the best boss ever.)

Read this lovely tribute to Anant Pai. The author also created this awesome graphic novel, which you should read if you haven't yet.

Hillary Clinton says: "I am often asked why on earth do I believe that women and girls are a national security issue."

The Voices in My Head - 39

2011-03-20T09:44:00.002+05:30

Epilogue

So,there it is. There isn’t any grand conclusion or happy ending. Why did I go tothe trouble of writing it out? So that I remember my mistakes and learn fromthem, and hopefully, some of you do too.

Ohwell, that’s not true. What would you learn from anyway? I did the best Icould, tried to make friends, have a romance… If I were to do it all overagain, I’m not sure what I would do different.

Ofall the guys I have ever liked, Raghav is the one I liked best, the only oneabout whom I still sometimes wonder, “What if…?” Yet I don’t regret refusinghim: he’s very good, but he’s not right for me.

“Notgood enough for you, you mean,” snaps Mandakini.

More Photos: Roads in Assam

2011-03-18T08:36:00.000+05:30

So you thought I was done with my picture posts, huh?

Almost all of these were taken from a moving car (usually going at over 80 kmph).

15 more pictures ahead: go slow.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-03-16T08:30:00.001+05:30

Good morning! I don't have as much this week because I've been busier than usual lately. Apart from work, yesterday was the Guy's birthday. (Yes, we had fun, thank you.) Besides, it seems like there's been so much bad news lately. Do any of you know of Indian organizations that are raising funds for Japan? I thought of donating to the American Red Cross but didn't want to subtract conversion charges from the little money I can afford.

Okay, here we go. First, work and business.

The Voices in My Head - 38

2011-03-13T19:52:00.000+05:30

Finally, the Wedding

At Divya’s wedding, I whowas less than a friend, had assumed a place of importance: I had been abridesmaid, maybe the maid of honour. At Raghav’s, I was little more than astranger. I was unknown to the vast hordes of relatives and mutualacquaintances, and I had no right by his side, in his dressing room.

We sat, Rizvi and I, inone of the rows of chairs on the lawn in front of the high stage, long beforethe guests had begun to arrive and Raghav and Sonali had emerged from theirdressing rooms. We stood by politely, a little way away, while the priestmarried Raghav and Sonali by the fire, and young relatives tossed flowerpetals. Raghav looked up at us once and winked, and we grinned back. We stoodin line too, with the other guests, to greet the groom and bride up on thestage after they were married. We clutched our wedding gifts in our hands andthen awkwardly pushed them forward as we reached Raghav and Sonali. My gift wasa digital photo frame: I had ordered it online—after much deliberation—within afew days after Raghav had announced the date of his wedding. I knew Raghavwould appreciate something technological—even something as simple as my gift—muchmore than say, a set of crystal goblets.

Mid-Week Reads

2011-03-09T22:18:00.003+05:30

Because yesterday was Women's Day, let's start with some stuff around that.

Equality for women can reduce world hunger.

Google's page with events around the world.

Why most Women's Day advertising is crap.

Annie Zaidi on how Indian women are changing.

My favorite Women's Day read was Chandni's telling of a brave woman's story.

The Voices in My Head - 37

2011-03-06T17:43:00.000+05:30

Rizvi and I Go to theCocktail Party

Iwas rather distracted at work that week. Luckily, I was working with Ajay: heknew that my best friend was getting married, and he picked up the slack when Iwas slow or made mistakes. I thanked him each time, and he said he owed it tome, for the many times I had covered his back earlier.

Raghavdidn’t ask to meet me, though: he was too busy. He called almost every day, orI called to ask how things were. He was busy shopping, organising and smoothingruffled feathers—most often, I took it, of his mom. He told me he couldn’t waituntil it was over and he and Sonali could go on their honeymoon. They weregoing to Mauritius for two weeks.

Ioffered sympathy, advice and help: I said I could take a day off from work orleave early so that I could be with him and help him in whatever needed doing.He declined though: his numerous relatives had come through and thepreparations were proceeding swimmingly. So I saw him again on the day beforethe wedding, when Rizvi and I turned up at the venue for the mehndi, alittle late, struggling with our new clothes and painful shoes, and lookingaround eagerly for a familiar face.