Miki and Mandakini, Alone
I wasn’t in love with
Raghav. But I was lonely. I knew I had lost Raghav forever.
It would never be the same
again. It couldn’t.
We had had lovers, and
none of them had lasted. We had got swept away, each of us, in the first throes
of romance, and forgotten each other for a while. But each of us had always
returned to the other. I had endured the distance because I knew it wouldn’t
last and he would come back to me, and all would be right with the world again.
But he wouldn’t come back
this time. It wasn’t just that he was in love with Sonali and was going to
marry her. It was more that now, someone meant more to him than I did. I didn’t
know how or why it had happened so – I didn’t know if I could ever understand
that. But I did know he didn’t need me anymore, that she was closer to him than
I was.
I knew because he didn’t ask
me for advice any more. Because while he still spoke to me often, he didn’t need to tell me every little thing. And
she was his favourite subject of conversation.
Now on the phone, he was
friendly, chatty, even polite. He behaved like most friends do, I suppose. He didn’t
talk to me any more like Raghav used to talk to me. It was like we were two
strangers playing a part.
And that felt strange. A
world where I was not the most important person for Raghav – I hadn’t seen that
world since we first became friends. It was unfamiliar, inhospitable.
I used to feel sorry for
myself for being lonely. I had never known what it was like to be really alone.
This was it. Being alone. Raghav gone.
I wondered if he knew how
I was feeling.
“How can Raghav not know
how I feel?” cried Miki. “How can he not sense it? But if he does, is he
deliberately ignoring it?”
“No, that’s not fair,”
said Mandakini. “I don’t think he guesses. I suppose he thinks I’m happy for
him – I tried hard enough to convince him of that.”
“Does he not realise that
things have changed between us?”
“Maybe he’s so wrapped up
in his happiness that he doesn’t – or if he does, he doesn’t care.“
“How can Raghav not care
about how I feel?”
“He is absorbed in his
life. He’s happy, Miki,” said
Mandakini, the wise one for once. “He’s happier than he ever was. This is right
for him.’
“How can a world in which
Raghav and Miki are not best friends be right?”
And I cried.
For an insane moment, I
wondered if I should call him and tell him I loved him. That I wanted him to
marry me.
“But you don’t want to
marry him,” Mandakini pointed out. “You never did.”
“But I want him. He’s my best friend. And I’m losing
him, just like I’ve lost everyone else.”
For once, Mandakini had no
answer. How could she reprove Miki for being dramatic?
“If I marry Raghav,” went
on Miki, “we’ll always be together. I’ll never lose him. We’ll have fun
together. We always do. What’s the point of marriage anyway? People get married
and fall out of love and spend the rest of their lives being miserable. Why should
I not marry a friend instead, and spend life having fun?”
“Would a life with Raghav
be fun?”
I remembered all the
reasons why I had refused Raghav. He was the greatest friend, but I knew we
would get on each other’s nerves if we spent too much time together.
“Besides,” said Mandakini,
“he loves Sonali.”
He loved Sonali. And that
was the end of it.
But I felt better for
reminding myself that I didn’t want him if I could have him.
“Stop being a baby,” said
Mandakini. “So Raghav is getting married. If he drifts away, he does. You go
and find new friends.”
I wiped my face with the
sleeve of my sweater. Maybe I needed new friends. Maybe my closeness to Raghav
was distorting my perspective.
I wondered again at his
becoming distant to me.
“I understand he’s getting
married,” said Miki, “but doesn’t he even want to be my friend? That’s weird.
Does he not need to talk to me anymore?”
“Actually, that’s stupid,”
said Mandakini. “I wouldn’t make a good wife for Raghav, but I know he can’t have a better friend.”
“Well, it’s his loss,”
Miki concluded. “I’ve still got myself.”
“Besides,” said Mandakini,
“there’s Divya’s wedding to think about. I’ve never attended a friend’s wedding
before. That should be fun – might even
meet someone interesting.”
I laughed out loud at the
idea of falling in love with a guy I had met at a wedding – it brought to mind
the most stereotypical Bollywood romances.
“Just because something is
a stereotype doesn’t mean it can never be true,” said Mandakini wisely.
6 comments:
shouldn't vikram be playing around in mandakini's thought processes at this juncture? his exclusion looks a bit weird.
n there's a tiny error:
I hadn’t seen that world since I we first became friends
and the link to the latest installment is missing from the list of chapters in the separate section
Obelix: Thank you - you're my first proof-reader today, instead of the Guy! (I really should proof it myself better.)
About Vikram's exclusion - let me just say it was deliberate. I'm mulling over doing a Q&A about the Voices in My Head - if I come around to this I'll explain it there.
- I knew this was coming :)
- This is totally the gal perspective of loosing a friend to marriage :D
- wonder how guys react...:)
- May be Miki should move on...
- May be a bollywood ishtyle kahani mein twist should happen ;)
Hi Unmana
Am really loving this story ....
Cant wait for every sunday :)
jus wanted to tel ya theres a fan out here ;)
-Janet
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