I was at lunch with two colleagues yesterday, both male. One of them expressed a wish for food typical to the region the other was from. The other immediately, graciously, invited him home. The first then questioned who would cook. On hearing that it was the second colleague himself, he promptly refused. "Tumhare haath ka khana nehi khana. Tumhari ma ya biwi aaye to bulana." ("I don't want to eat your cooking. Call me when your mom or your wife is here.") The guy who offered is a bachelor, but that's besides the point. He said he didn't cook that bad. The other persisted that it's not what he wants. Then he reminisced fondly about eating at someone's home: "That was perfect." He went on to say that he'd eaten his fill while his hostess - the wife of his friend - had cooked and served fresh rotis.
Does it say more for my forbearance or my hypocrisy that I didn't say a word?
8 comments:
Going by the way your colleague was acting, I don't think it your presenting an argument would have changed his view. It's a long and arduous process to change the views people are ingrained with. Invest your energies only where you see a possibility of a good outcome.
You should have asked the sexist colleague that next time he is shelling a thou to eat a 'top end' restaurant, is that a man or a woman cooking in the kitchen. Jab muft ka hai they want the maa and biwis cooking, when they want to eat out (and in esshtyle) they pay a male chef et sous chef.
Pallu: That's exactly why I didn't bother to say anything. It would have served no purpose and only made me feel frustrated.
Aneela: Well, that's the very point. He seems to view women as slaves and relish the idea of their serving him. I am uncomfortable whenever I am eating and my hostess is busy working, not sitting across me and eating with me.
Such an eejit!
Speaking out would have been pointless.
I just wanted to let you know that your post is now up at the 68th Carnival of Feminists!
Unmana, I think it's going to take a long time for this particular fallacy to be broken; and not while we ourselves continue to feel that such expectations are(somewhere) ok - you'd be surprised how many women do!
Dipali: I agree.
Fourth wave: Thank you.
Apu: I know. This makes me angry; what you point out makes me sad.
its surprising to know how many women there are who would count this as a compliment.
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